Reid and Emily

Home for the Holidays, Part III--Christmas

2012-02-06T07:23:00.000-08:00

I never really imagined, several months ago when I first threw it out there, that my family would actually consider traveling from all over the country to our little house in Colorado for Christmas. But I prayed for a Christmas miracle, and a miracle is what we got! Apart from my two oldest sisters, everyone came here for Christmas!!!!! And our dear friends who live just up the street from us let us use their house for lodging--what would we have done without that extra space?!?! Thank you!!!

Not having to squeeze all our holiday events into the first half of December, pack all of our belongings in our van, worry about travel conditions, and deal with kids off their schedules was only the beginning of the awesomeness that was this Christmas.

On Wednesday morning, the 21st, the first of the crew arrived. My dad, Julia and Nathan all flew in (from the Provo airport, how cool is that?!). It was a warm morning, with no snow on the ground. But magic was in the air.

School was out, family was starting to arrive, and a big snow storm was coming in the perfect window of time between arrivals. The girls still needed to have a chat with Mr. Claus, after which we could all go ice skating. It was a perfect plan, accompanied by the perfect snow storm. We headed to the outdoor shops not far from our house and found ourselves walking in a Courier and Ives painting. Dicken's carolers, ice skaters, an outdoor fireplace, the nicest, most genuine Santa Claus you've ever seen, huge snowflakes falling slowly enough that even my 3 year old could catch them on her tongue--it was truly a magical evening.

See how my girls' eyes were all lit up? Or is that just the creepy "white-eye" that phone cameras give?

Unbundling and prepping to talk to Santa

Grace having second thoughts

Do you see the magical gleam in Santa's eyes? the rosy in his cheek? he was so great!!

Look at the lights, the snow, the skaters that aren't quite in this picture--love it!

Santa was so kind. As was his wife. It was the sweetest Santa moment we've ever had with our kids. Grace asked Santa for a "real camera and a sleigh bell from your sleigh" and Abby asked Santa for a "kids' guitar." After both requests he said "that's a wonderful idea, I'll be sure to bring that for you." Eliza asked for the one thing she loves more than anything else in the world--chapstick. Not only did Santa have a hard time understanding what she was saying (she struggles with the "ch" and the "s" so you can imagine how it sounded) but when I finally repeated what it was she had said, he was so surprised and confused and shocked he didn't know what to say. He looked to Mrs. Claus, who gave him an encouraging smile, and then muttered something like "okay, well then, ummmm, I'll be sure to bring that. And maybe something else, too, if you're a good girl." It was quite hilarious.

When we got home that evening, Reid built me my second fire in our fireplace, completing my one Christmas wish (thanks again, babe!) We sipped hot cocoa, and watched the snowflakes fall while listening to the crackle of the firewood. And in the morning we woke up to 8 inches of Christmas snow!

My dad and Julia went for a walk in the freshly fallen whiteness

while the rest of us stayed in our jammies all day.

We made toffee, cheeseball, salami, and microwave peanut brittle--all of which are family traditions that my mom taught us (minus the microwave part, but we had to make do w/o a candy thermometer!). Making toffee will always remind me of my mom, which will always be bitter-sweet. But I must say that this year felt much more sweet than last. The bitter truly does get better with time.

We also went sledding in our neighbor's backyard, vegged and watched movies, played with sweet baby James, and made stained-glass ornaments.

I grew up with these exact ornaments on our tree. But, being in the younger half of the family, I wasn't a part of making the ornaments. So when I found this kit at a consignment shop I snatched it up!

Abby, Grace, Julia and I each made one. Abby was mostly frustrated by it, Grace absolutely loved it. Of course, I don't have any after photos.

The next evening, Jared, Kristie and baby Alia arrived. Grace and Abby spent the remaining 10 days playing make-believe, with James and Alia as their baby dolls. Very cute.

The two babies were pretty much disinterested in each other, but the rest of us were extremely interested in them!

Don't you think they look alike?

Julia, James, Alia and Jared

Kristie, Alia, Jared and James. We didn't even plan the matchy-matchy action in this picture

On Christmas Eve we delivered gifts to a young family we all "adopted" through a local Adventist's program. It was a highlight of the season. This sweet family has been out of work for months. It was so nice being able to fulfill their extremely modest wish-lists. Because this was so last minute, most things we got for them were purchased from a store (I know, how conventional of me) but we did find someone to donate a bike for the 5-year old boy. The girls worked for over 30 minutes on wiping it down and cleaning it up for the little boy. I was really proud of them for sticking with it till it was done. They did a great job!

It was so fun unloading the gifts from the van and watching their little boy's eyes light up. It was also fun for all of us adults to brush up on our Spanish. My dad, a retired Spanish professor, was either extremely proud to hear all of his kids using their best Spanish skills, or extremely embarrassed to hear all of his kids using their best Spanish skills.

Later that evening we had a nativity. Grace missed out 'cause she was having a melt-down in her room. I was too distracted to get out my camera and take any real photos, so I only have one not-so-great photo. But i do want to remember how much I loved being Mary this year, and holding my own baby boy!! I maybe even cried a little bit.

Kevin arrived late Christmas Eve--which meant that everyone was here! We stayed up late playing games (everyone else) and sewing last minute gifts for the girls (me and Kristie). By "late" I mean 2:30am. Needless to say, Sunday morning came bright and early.

We had told the girls that they'd get to "open" their Santa gift before church (Santa doesn't actually wrap his gifts in our home, but just leaves them on the couch by their stocking), and do the rest afterwards. They were, thankfully, totally okay with this.

Abby is in love with her guitar

Grace was amazed by how legit her real camera was. Santa loves craigslist!

Santa brought Grace a sleigh bell from his sleigh, and two more--for her sisters. I told you he was kind!

And Eliza loved her chapsticks more than you can possibly imagine. She honestly didn't really care about a single other thing that day. The house smelled of raspberry creme all day :)

The rest of Christmas morning was filled with a wonderful meeting at Church with beautiful Christmas hymns, yummy gifts imported from NC and CA's Trader Joe's, homemade creations, donations to Heifer Int'l, and me, saying over and over just how thankful I was to everyone for traveling from all over the country to come to our house!! It was absolutely perfect!

James loved his little cars. They're the only gift he got. And I didn't even buy them. My friend, Kayleen, gave them to him when he was born, and I wrapped them up and gave them to him for Christmas. I should really be embarrassed by that, huh....

Okay, James actually got TWO gifts this year. My friend Laura got him this aodrable shirt. You better believe I put it on him as often as it gets out of the dryer. So cute!

Grandpa with his adorable grandkids

The next evening we had the truest Christmas miracle of all. My dad read us some of his and my mom's old love letters--letters they wrote to each other when they were dating long-distance. It was so sweet. Hearing him read my mom's words truly made it feel like she was there. And then, through skype, we had Cynthia and Melanie in the room listening to the letters, too.

I'm pretty sure this is as close as it gets to having us all in the same room.

It was, for me, the single greatest moment of the whole holiday.

My dad with all seven of his kids (two on skype)

Thank you all for making this the best Christmas ever!!!!!

Winter Advisory

2012-02-03T19:18:00.000-08:00

We interrupt our scheduled "Home for the Holidays" series for this important announcement.

If you sleep with your pajamas inside-out and put a spoon under your pillow,

the next day school will indeed be cancelled due to a huge snowstorm!

And since this boy isn't a huge fan of his insanely adorable red snowsuit....

he (and working-from-home-Reid) just stayed inside and played with his toys while the rest of us made snow angels, snow caves, snowballs, and chocolate snow ice cream!

Home for the Holiday, Part II--December Festivities

2012-01-31T21:00:00.000-08:00

December was a magical month. There were so many moments and days that felt magical and charmed. I love Christmas more and more each year. And my kids love it more and more each year. Grace loved helping decorate the Christmas tree, Abby loved playing with all the nativities, and Eliza loved showing everyone our stockings. And James loved that right around the 1st of December he learned how to sit up all by himself. That was his gift to me--a tiny bit of independence :)

I told Reid, soon after Thanksgiving, that I had but one wish on my wishlist--that he build me two fires in our poor and underused wood-burning fireplace. And he did not disappoint. The first week in December we had some very, very cold days. And our poor furnace just wasn't cuttin' it. So he got his axe, chopped up some firewood, and built me the first half of my gift. The girls thought it was so cool, and I loved sitting on the couch and staring at my tree and my fire and my family.

Grace and Abby wanted to decorate gingerbread houses, which I thought sounded like a lot of work. So, instead I told them to invite six friends over for a gingerbread making party! (See how my mind works? yeah, me niether...)

Actually, I'd been wanting to get to know some of Grace's friends from school, so it worked out well. We played a few Christmasy games (Santa Says, Pass the Ornament, etc.), ate some candy, and attempted to glue graham cracker pieces together with homemade frosting. The girls had fun, and it didn't feel like that much more work than it would have been with just my girls alone. (Is that an indication that I have too many kids??? i think so...) My favorite (and the most surprising) part of the party was seeing Grace be really kind to both of her younger sisters--even around her "grown-up" friends.

Abby, our resident ballerina, performed in a Nutcracker recital. She could not have been any cuter. She was right on with the music (most of the time) and followed her teacher's instructions (the entire time). She loves music and loves to dance. And, thanks to Barbie and the Nutcracker, she already knew all of the songs :)

The Sunday morning before Christmas, I was upstairs trying to get ready for church, yelling who-knows-what at who-knows-who (that's just how Sunday morning go around here. It's a new form of worship) and stressing that we were going to be late to church again and how next Sunday we're going to do this and that differently and yada yada. When all of a sudden I hear silence from the front room, followed by a series of uncontrollable giggles. Then Grace calls "Mom, come look what we did for you!" And this is what I see.

Here's a close-up

These sweet girls had somehow managed to tune out Mom's grumpiness and arrange themselves in a row, in a sweet effort to brighten my day. I mean seriously?!? how cute is that? Needless to say, I joined them in the laughter, changed my mood, and we were even later to church. This is just one of so many moments this December that was filled with the joy and happiness that the Season brings with it. It's a time of year when I have more visible reminders around my house: reminders to teach my kids about giving, sharing, how insanely blessed they are, and how grateful I am for Jesus's birth, life, death and resurrection.

Home for the Holidays, Part 1--Thanksgiving

2012-01-30T20:25:00.000-08:00

Do you wanna know why this is "Part 1" of my Home for the Holidays series?!?!?! It's because for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, that's exactly where we were!! And with our families!!!!!!!! I don't know how many exclamation points I'm going to use in these posts, but my guess is--it won't be enough to let you know how much we loved spending the Holidays with family here at home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reid's family came for Thanksgiving. They arrived on the 22nd--his mom's birthday. So we celebrated...

with chocolate "lava cakes"--which ended up more like "lava goo." Turns out that lava goo is still delicious, and even goo can hold a birthday candle.

I am so grateful for my amazing in-laws. I know that not many people are lucky enough to marry into a family that they truly enjoy being with. I did.

They were all here for four days, and it was so wonderful!! We finally got to meet Tom and Jana's little Winnie Lou, who is one month younger than James, and is just as cute as her name!!! We couldn't get enough pictures of the two of them together.

gotta love the seemingly coordinated blank stares

James, as usual, just wanted to put his fingers in his mouth.

And when we kept taking them out? He just put them in Winnie's mouth

We were amazed at how long we could just do nothing but stare at these two sweet little babies!!!

We also managed to....

squeeze in some game-playing

make Grandma's cute little candy turkeys

eat a HUGE and AMAZING Thanksgiving feast (Note to future self: prior to sprinkling ground pepper on the turkey, securely fasten the lid. Although should you forget, 1 cup of ground pepper doth not a turkey ruin...surprisingly...)

spend every day home from school loving this little brother

and soak in some snuggles and Vitamin D with Grandpa

I also forced Reid, Tom and Mike to go to my gym with me. I made the mistake of dragging them to a weight-lifting class, where both Reid and Tom nearly died. Of both cardiac arrest and humiliation. Their dad is in great shape and made them look like little school girls. No, in fact, little school girls probably wouldn't have cried as much as they did.

I got an intense 12 hour sore throat on T-day itself, which was a total bummer. Turns out swallowing is a pretty major part of the feast. Thankfully there were leftovers the next day. And my sore throat did get me out of Black Thursday shopping.

We are so grateful that they made the drive (and do it almost every year!) out here to spend this wonderful holiday with us. Being with the Allreds is always a good time, and it always leaves us with the "why-don't-we-live-closer-to-family?" feeling.

Thanks for such a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend!!

Obsession Confession

2011-11-15T10:32:00.000-08:00

Sometimes. Like right now. When James is sleeping. I start to miss his sweet face, so I sit down at my computer and open my photo gallery and scroll through photos of my sweet little guy.

Like this one

or this one

I guess it's better than the alternative which is going into his room (can I call my walk-in closet his room??) and waking him up just so I can see his scrumptious smile.

Halloween 2011

2011-11-08T21:47:00.000-08:00

There are two types of people in the world--those who LOVE Halloween and those who don't. After years of denial, I'm ready to admit that I have joined "those who don't."

But the kids still dressed up. And we still went trick-or-treating (AND trunk-or-treating!). And they still devoured all of their candy in one day. And we did carve pumpkins (which was, by far, the highlight of the weekend!). And we'll do it all again next year. Maybe next year I'll take more pictures. This year I took exactly two.

Grace wore a Poodle Skirt, Abby was Rapunzel, and Eliza was Erika from the Barbie movie "Princess and the Pauper"

James was a football. I'll admit that seeing him in his costume melted my cold bah humbug heart just a bit :)

Catching up...yet again.

2011-11-02T20:40:00.000-07:00

I feel so behind on blogging that I don't know where to start! I think I'll start with my favorite little boy in the world, James.

James is perfection. He makes me so happy I could squeal. And I do. Often. I think I've mentioned that. He is 4 1/2 months old. He weighed 17.1 lbs at his 4 month check up. Oh, i just love his rolls and chub!!!

He's still got us all wrapped around his chubby little fingers. Especially me. I can't get enough of this face.

He's such a calm baby. He almost never cries, but when he does--I rush like a mad woman to his side. I am completely guilty of spoiling him, and I have no intentions of changing. Ever.

I tried for 4+ months to convince him to prefer his binki over his fingers. I really, really tried. I even put socks on his hands a couple times. And although he does take the binki...

he definitely prefers his fingers. These two, to be specific

And I finally decided a few days ago that I should not start a control battle with my son this early. So, when I put him to bed, it is no longer with a binki in his mouth. And I'm actually okay with it. It helps that there is nothing cuter in the world than his two right middle fingers in his mouth, with his index finger sticking straight up along the side of his nose. And when he's really tired, he grabs his right hand with his left to just hold it all in place.

It's so stinkin' cute I usually squeal at the sight and startle him awake....but then he just puts himself right back to sleep :)

I thought it was interesting that at his Dr.'s appt, the pediatrician strongly encouraged me to let him suck his fingers, and the next day at the girls' dentist appointments, the dentist strongly encouraged me to push the pacifier. I'm going with my gut on this one, and letting him suck his fingers. :)

James is still not on a really great schedule. I just can't imagine how any fourth child ever could be. But over our 2-week fall break, he truly was the boss of our schedules, and it was great. He was his happiest self.

He slept through the night almost every night, got his three long naps, and ate when he wanted to. But with school and preschool and soccer and ballet and errands and joy school and play dates, the kid just doesn't get to nap in his crib as much as he'd like to. I keep hoping he'll adapt and become a great car seat sleeper, but that hasn't happened yet.

I looooove the stage he's at. He's still happy to play on his little mat for 20 minutes at a time. But he's even happier to be up and smiling at ANYONE who'll look at him.

Everyone who sees him falls instantly in love. He's so chubby and delicious, it's just impossible to get enough of him!!!

A few weeks ago James and I spent a night in the Children's Hosptial ER. He developed something called a Petechial rash on his leg. And although it turned out be nothing, a rash like that can be a precursor to meningicoccimia--which is really scary.

A key characteristic of petechiae is that they don't blanche when you push on them. See the rest of his skin, how it's white from my thumb pushing on it? that little remaining red spot was one of many petechiae on his leg.

The dr.'s just wanted him to be watched for 12 hours before they felt comfortable sending him home. So we "slept" in a room in the ER. The poor kid had to have his blood drawn and a catheter (really? a catheter?? just take his diaper off, wait a few minutes, and put a cup under the inevitable pee-fountain!!). His big cry just broke my heart. I'm so grateful the rash was nothing.

James is insanely ticklish. He loves to play peek-a-boo. He is still a total night owl (average bed time is maybe 9:30?), which i'm okay with, 'cause it gives me some one-on-one time with him. He's my favorite baby boy in the whole world. I love him more than i ever imagined possible.

My sweet Eliza turned 3 in the end of August. She's still completely in love with her dad. She loves to do whatever her big sisters are doing. She also loves to tell her big sisters what to do. She LOVES to talk. Much of the time she's not talking about anything, but she likes to hear herself speak (no idea where she got that from).

She is still a feisty little thing, who can sass and scream with the best of them. She's probably our most difficult child, as far as the "terrible two's" stage goes. But, she hasn't been as challenging as Grace was for me at this age. The difference is that she and I don't butt heads, and I don't harshly judge myself as a mother based on her behaviors. (Why ~~couldn't~~ can't i do that with Grace?!?!?) She's a challenge, and drives me crazy sometimes--but usually I can laugh at her terrible behavior!! That's something that's new to me as a parent--laughing at bad behavior. I quite prefer it over most of the alternatives.

The dentist found cavities on two of Eliza's molars. This was no surprise to us. They've been visible for over a year now. We now know that fruit has the same effect on teeth that candy does. Or maybe even worse. And Eliza eats endless amounts of fruit. Her enamel could only handle so much. We've got to go back in a couple weeks to get them filled. And by "we" I mean "Reid and Eliza."

Eliza loves puzzles. She can do a 24 piece puzzle completely by herself in about 3-4 minutes. She loves all fruit, especially "clemens" (she apparently hasn't the time to say "clementines?"). She loves highly flavorful food, including Thai, Indian, and anything Mexican. She also loves the food that is on my plate more than the exact same food that's on hers.

About a week before her 3rd b-day I decided to try to potty-train her. After 3 days of ENDLESS accidents, I gave up. Then, about 2 weeks later, she asked to wear undies. And kept them dry all day. And about 1 weeks after that she was fully potty trained. All on her timetable.

She still takes a nap every day. Her older sisters were both well past the napping thing by age 3. I am so grateful that she isn't. We all need that nap.

Eliza's in a joyschool two mornings a week. She really likes having her own thing. And it gives me and Abby some alone time (James is usually napping) which I like. My friends who are doing this joyschool with me are all insane. They insisted that we buy this intense Kindergarten-level curriculum for these little 3 year olds. It's sooooooo above Eliza's head and I'd be happier with more crafting/painting/playing and less letter sounds. But whatever. It makes my crazy friends happy (and yes, they read this blog--love you guys!!), Eliza couldn't care less, and it's a nice break for me.

She might be a feisty little thing, but she's also really good at saying sorry. And she can be so stinkin' sweet, it's nearly impossible for any of us to stay mad at her. I love this little girl, and can't imagine our family without her.

Abby is, if possible, even sweeter, kinder, and more helpful than ever before. She truly is the peacemaker in our home. She is so quick to obey, so quick to help out, so quick to admit when she's wrong and make it right (is she related to me?). She loves to help clean up the house. She loves to help with James. She even helped me rake the yard yesterday for two hours!

On sunday our church had our primary program--which consisted of the 3-12 year-olds singing songs and giving talks--and lasted for about 40 minutes. Abby was awesome. There was not a soul in that church that didn't hear her as she belted out EVERY word to EVERY song. Seriously. She has quite the memory, and quite the set of lungs. On the way home from church I was telling her and Grace how great they did in the program, and Abby said, in an exasperated voice, "Why did everyone in the hallways stop me to tell me how good I was??"

She's very interested in reading and writing. She can read most simple words, and loves to write messages on our little magnet board.

She is in an afternoon preschool at our elementary school--paid for by the school district. Although her speech has improved drastically, they are still allowing her to continue at that school for the rest of the school year. She's so happy there, and I'm so happy with the teachers there. Rather than teach the ABC's or numbers, they focus on social skills and creativity, which I really like.

She is still in ballet, and loves it. She and Grace have also started piano lessons with a teacher that isn't their mom--and it's going much better. Abby's got a good ear for music.

She loves to color. At least 2-3 times a day she gets the markers/crayons and coloring books out and colors away. She also loves calendars--she needs to know what day of the week it is every day, and always goes over the day's events with me each morning when she gets up. She also loves to look at the weather with me--specifically the 10 day forecast. She loves arranging the pieces of our family chart, figuring out who does what that week. She loves to read books with me. And she'll drop anything at any moment to play any game with anyone.

Abby is a great sister and friend. She's such a peacemaker that is sometimes makes me mad. Like when we're sitting on the couch reading a book and her two sisters want to read with us. They both start fighting about who gets to sit on my other side, and Abby volunteers to scoot away from me so that BOTH of her sisters can be right next to Mom. I mean, what kid does that? She does that with her toys, her treats--everything. Sometimes I just want to shake her and yell "You don't have to take that from your sisters!!" but I try to bite my tongue.

Abby can't help but smile. If ever she starts to pout, or cry, it takes less than one second to turn it into a smile. I love this girl and her beautiful smile so much.

Grace and I get along better now than ever. She's so fun to talk to. So much easier to reason with. As long as she's rested and well-fed (i'm not kidding about that, the girl is a bottom-less pit) she is just a lot of fun to have around. She's loving 1st grade. She freaked out big time when she found out that our summer vacation meant that she had missed the first week of school. But lucky for us her bestest friend was in her class AND her beloved amazing kindergarten teacher had moved up to first grade this year and was Grace's teacher again!! So awesome, I can't even tell you. Her teacher has nothing but great things to say about her. She's a good friend to all the kids in her class. She listens well. She's a great reader. She loves math. And in spite of sharing in my gene pool, she's a perfectionist (you should see her handwriting!).

And she's a great helper with James.

She's loving soccer--she's a natural at it (is she related to me?). She loves her coach, and will most likely be playing again in the spring. Reid and I take turns going to her games. Lame, I know. My friends tease me about it all the time. But I don't want to become so burnt out from going to Grace's games that I never allow Abby, Eliza or James to play....so that's the way we do it. :)

Between homework and soccer and Girl Scouts and practicing piano and playing with the neighbors, i don't feel like I get to see enough of Grace. She is the reason I want more hours in the day. I get very little alone time with her to sit and talk. She asked me the other day if it'd be okay for me and her to go downstairs, into our guest room, every day right when she gets home from school and just talk for 5-10 minutes. On the days we actually do that, it helps a lot. She can be so grumpy right when she gets home, and those 5-10 minutes together seem to really help her shake it off. I love her so much, and love when she wants to talk with me!

Grace is competitive and bossy and can push buttons like no one else. She is more drama than I ever knew was possible in one child. But she's also fun, and a leader, and keeps me on my toes. She's stuck in the position of "first child" for the rest of her life. All of our worst mistakes as parents were and are made on her, yet she's turning into this funny, thoughtful, great little person. I'm more grateful than words can say that God's grace can delete our errors as parents. His grace is saving my Grace :)

Reid has the biggest news of us all--he just started a new job! After five really great years with his firm, Reid has moved on to bigger and better things. Or should I say smaller and better things. He's joined with two really great guys who just started their own firm a few months ago. There are three attorneys, total. Two paralegals. One secretary. Quite the contrast from his previous national firm with over 1100 attorneys. But so far, so good. The work he's doing is actually similar to what he was doing before. The hours are about the same. The location is closer to home, but it only shaved about 10 minutes off his train ride. So, really, it hasn't felt like a huge change here at home. But the biggest difference is that this job is most likely the job. Unless there's some big hiccup in the plan, he'll be with these guys for a looooooong time. And for the first time since we've moved here, I see us living here for the rest of our lives. Which is awesome. Reid and I love it here. Our kids love it here. The only thing missing is family--which happens to be a HUGE thing. So now we just need to convince all of our family to move out here! :)

He continues to be the World's Best Husband and Father. The kids and I can't get enough of him. When he walks in the door he's bombarded with hugs and kisses and questions and replays of the day's events. And he manages to make us all feel loved and important. I love him more than ever, and constantly wonder how I got so lucky.

As for me? I'm doing well. People often ask me if the transition from 3 to 4 kids has been harder than 2 to 3. The answer, for me, is no. When my #3, Eliza, was born, Grace had just turned 3, Abby was 19 months old, and i was drowning. Grace and I were in the prime of our head-butting phase. Eliza was colicky. I had to stop eating dairy (and felt so, so sorry for myself). Reid had a new assignment at church that changed Sundays from my day of rest into my least favorite day of the week--sad, but true. Every weekday the clock slowed to a crawl around 3:30pm (when nap time was over) until 6pm, when Reid walked in the door. I tried to fill our days with play dates, park dates, errands (Target was our safe-house), ballet classes--anything to make the days pass quicker. And then, once Eliza was finally past the colicky stage, we had a 5 month period of sickness in our home that put a serious strain on my hanging-by-a-thread sanity. Having three ~~young kids~~ babies was not an easy or really enjoyable time for me as a mom.

That is not at all how I feel with #4. This transition has been very different. And we are at a very different phase of life--one that I'm actually really enjoying. Rather than wishing the hours of the day away, I feel like I don't have enough time to squeeze in all that I want to do with my kids. I secretly wish my kids would get sick so they could stay home. And Sundays are my favorite day of the week because I have so much time with my kids! Today was a snow-day, which meant eating breakfast at 9:30, playing in the snow for an hour, having hot cocoa, doing crafts, watching TV, and enjoying being together! That is not how I felt 3 years ago when we got snowed in!!

Our days now consist of running Grace to school in the morning, running Eliza to and from joyschool or running errands, or running to the library, then running home for lunch, then running Abby to preschool, then running home for naps, then running back to get Abby, then running home to do homework, soccer, scouts and everything else that we have to do. Constantly running! I don't love the running part, or being glued to my calendar, but I am thoroughly loving life right now.

I think i could freeze time and live this year forever.

Idaho/Yellowstone--Summer Vacation 2011

2011-09-26T20:05:00.000-07:00

You wanna know why I am so behind on blogging? it's because i spend every free minute i have laughing with and smiling at my baby!!! I am so madly in love with him, and can never get enough of him!! So in the evenings, when the girls are down and i have time to blog--i don't. I just play with my little night owl, and i get him to laugh and squeal, and i absolutely LOVE it! But, until i'm caught up at LEAST on our summer vacation and the first days of school, i'm not allowing myself to post more recent pictures of James...and believe me, that's ALL i wanna blog about!!! I'm a little obsessed with him....

Just 4 weeks after James was born we left for 19 days to spend time with both of our families. And though our families are in UT and WY, we spent the majority of our time at reunions in Idaho. My dad and 6 of us 7 siblings (as always, we missed Cynthia!), spouses and kids included, spent 5 days in Island Park, Idaho. Years ago my uncle Rick built my grandma a cabin there, so we used to go there lots growing up. Soon after my mom passed away last year, we all decided that our next reunion--and the first without her--would take place there, where there are so many memories of her.

It was wonderful. We spent time at the river, both wading and rafting.

We spent 3 days in beautiful Yellowstone

Love the colors in this pic!

And we spent a lot of time taking care of the injured. My brother, Nathan, rented 5 mountain bikes for fun excursions. But on the first night there, Julia ate it--big time. This is a picture of her leg on day 2 or 3. It was awful!! People would stare at it as they'd pass by her. They must've thought she was a leper.

The cabin we rented was awesome. We spent lots of time in the kitchen--cooking fancy meals that both a zero-carb guy and a zero-meat gal could eat. Believe it or not, we did it! We ate like kings at that little cabin! We also played games, though not nearly enough. We roasted marshmallows. We stayed up late. We thoroughly enjoyed each others company.

We went to visit Grandma's cabin. The current owners were there and kindly let us in! It was so fun to see it again, and so crazy how SMALL that place felt. I was 8 or 9 last time I was there, so I remembered it being lots bigger. The owners loved hearing about the cabin's history and we loved seeing what they've done to it. Sadly, not a one of us got a picture of it!!! (sorry, Robbin's cousins!) That was a highlight of the trip for me. My mom would have LOVED to see that cabin!

This trip was also our first time meeting Jared and Kristie's little girl, Alia. She is the happiest, cutest, fattest little baby in the world! No one could get enough of her and her thighs!! (which aren't even pictured here--just trust me, they're amazing!)

She and James had much to talk about, mostly about who would be fatter by Christmastime (pretty sure James is gonna win) This is the first time in my family that there have been TWO cousins born within less than 3 years of each other! They love each other already :)

If Anthony had been there, we would have had ALL of my parents' grandkids there. Just he and Cynthia and Tom were missing. And my mom, of course. All were missed.

After 5 days in Island Park/Yellowstone I ~~forced~~ ~~encouraged~~ begged my dad and siblings to take a detour home via Stay Valley, WY (Reid's parents' home) for James's baby blessing/christening. On the way there, we stopped for lunch in Jackson, WY, where we said our goodbyes to Kevin, who had a flight to catch.

And then we drove up to Jenny Lake in the Grand Teton Nat'l Park. That lake is just as beautiful as everyone told me it would be! We rode the ferry across the lake, and then hiked to the Hidden Falls.

We crashed that night at Reid's parents' house. They were so good to my family. Mike made us an AMAZING chicken dinner and Marie got ALL of the bedrooms ready for the whole crew. I felt so grateful that Reid's parents were willing to let us all stay there, and that my family was willing to add 2 to 6 hours to their drives home, just to be there for the blessing of this little guy.

This little blessing outfit is 50+ years old. Mike wore it as a baby, then Reid (and Tom) and now James. And the blanket and sweater were Reid's, too--knit by his mom and grandma. So sweet to have such precious heirlooms passed down!


I love these two guys so much!!!

It was so awesome to have both Grandpa's be part of the event. James's blessing was beautiful. Reid was calm and collected, as usual. Though he did say something to the effect of "you are a special daughter, i mean, son of God"--it was pretty awesome. I guess that's what blessing THREE girls in a row will do, huh :)

Later that night, Nathan busted out his AMAZING firework show that most of the crew got to enjoy--gotta love Wyoming's firework laws :) And the next morning, after enjoying a breakfast of amazing fresh strawberries from Mike and Marie's garden, we all went our separate ways. Reid and I drove back to Provo. The first leg of our trip was a stop in Provo to introduce some of my life-long BFF's to Mr. James. As always, it was awesome spending some time with them! We'd left a bunch of stuff there, planning to return to UT to spend some time with Tom and Jana during the awkward two-day window we had between reunions. They wouldn't be coming to the Allred reunion because Jana was 38 weeks pregnant. But Jana's baby decided to come TWO weeks early! So, we got to meet sweet Winnie, which was a treat we hadn't anticipated!!

After two short days in Utah, which included getting together with some of my besties from our Boston days (so good to see you guys!) we drove up to Albion, Idaho for an extended Allred family reunion. Reid's grandparents on both sides lived in this rural farmland part of Idaho, so he and his siblings and cousins went there every summer growing up. Now many of them have kids of their own, and they were all so giddy about being back on their old stomping grounds.

We fished and barbecued at Lake Cleveland, picnicked and climbed at City of Rocks, played games and grilled at the Bed & Breakfast, and just enjoyed catching up/getting to know people.

love this picture that my SIL, Alisa, took!

Grace and Ella--attached at the hip, as usual

Minus the puckered lips, this is what i looked like most of the time. i learned that this is not called "carrying" your baby, but rather "wearing" your baby. whatever you call it, James and i loved it!

Here are most of the 2nd cousins

Abby, front and center

Grace, front and center. I'm sensing a trend...

After 3 fun-filled days in Southern Idaho, we headed back to Star Valley for a week with Reid's immediate family. On the way home we stopped by the farm that Marie grew up on. The farmer-wanna-be in me spent most of the time there dreaming of a day when I'd have 5 acres of land to grow my orchards, my crops, raise some chickens, maybe even some cows. And then we entered the barn. And the stench was enough to literally reach into my conscience and kill all my farm dreams dead. Thank you, manure. You just saved us a lot of money.

The kids loved watching the pigs, and we loved hearing Marie tell stories of growing up on a farm. And had the manure not already killed my fantasies, her stories would have. Turns out having a farm is a lot of work. And i don't do work.

The week we spent in Wyoming was, as always, absolutely wonderful!! Grandma and Grandpa spoiled us all rotten. The weather is always amazing in the summer. They have an amazing back yard. It's the PERFECT grandparent house!! We got to swim, play by the canal, feed the horses, eat from their amazing garden, and even give Grandpa a haircut!

We also spent a day at the Lincoln County Fair. And though there are (thankfully!!) no pictures to prove it, Reid and I embarrassed ourselves and our families by singing in the Karaoke contest. We sang a duet. From Disney's High School Musical. It was well out of our ranges, and didn't help that right before us two 10 year old tweens sang a different song from the same show. How embarassing!!! But Karen begged us to do it, and it was one of those things that I figured would be embarassing in the moment, but not at all later. i was wrong. I'm actually more embarrassed for myself now than ever. It was that bad.

Spending that extra week in Wyoming meant missing our first week of school here. Who starts school on August 1st, anyway? :) We didn't tell Grace that she'd miss the first week of school until we absolutely had to. We didn't want it to ruin her vacation, and we knew that we weren't going to change our minds about it, so, like all good parents, we lied to her. How did she take it when she realized that her first day was not everyone else's first day of school? you'll just have to wait ~~probably a month or two since that's about how often I blog now~~ until my next post!!

My (not so) little guy

2011-09-02T20:15:00.000-07:00

Do you know what happens when you don't blog for 2+ months?

This tiny little thing

transforms into this adorable, loveable, kissable, squeezable chunk of a hunk!

James, following in the footsteps of his oldest two sisters, has chubbed up quite nicely. He's nothing but rolls and chubs and I can't get enough of him!!! He and Abby and Grace are tied for 1st place as my easiest babies (should i erase that someday before Eliza can read?). There's something to be said about FAT and HAPPY babies (and Eliza was neither)!

He almost never fusses, he sleeps TONS--like three 2-3 hour naps and 10 hours at night--and he LOVES to sleep in his crib. He falls asleep best if he's by himself in his crib. This means not as much snuggly, cuddly, sweet baby rockin' time for this mama, but he makes up for it when he wakes up and nestles his face into my neck.

He's content to kick it on the floor for 30+ minutes at a time. He eats 6-7 times a day, about 6 minutes each feeding. He nurses almost exclusively, but takes a bottle if i'm not around (which has happened about, oh....once). He wakes up at 5am to eat and goes right back to sleep until 8 or so. I'm telling you--he's a dreeeeeam!!!

As a newborn he had SERIOUS issues with his carseat. I mean, one minute he'd be sound asleep and the next he'd be screaming bloody murder--clearly in intense pain. My friend described it best when she said "it's like his car seat comes alive and starts stabbing him repeatedly." Exaggeration? Not even slightly. It was intense!! Thankfully he's outgrown whatever it was that was hurting him so badly and does just fine in the car seat now.

He smiles a ton--except for when the camera is in his face. He coos, too. Literally says "coo" over and over. Who knew babies did this? not me. And he loves to be swaddled. Thank heavens my friend, Laura, gave me 4 of the best swaddling blankets ever!

The girls LOVE him. They legitimately help out with him, too--by playing with him, holding him, giving him his binki, taking his right index finger out of his mouth, checking on him when he's napping (which i'm just as inexplicably neurotic about with this baby as i was the other three), washing his hair in the bath, rocking him to sleep in his car seat--i mean legitimately helpful! It's awesome!

At his 2-month appointment he weighed 14lbs 5oz and was 24 inches long. 95th percentile for weight, 85th for height, and 75th for head (really? i have a hard time believing that one). He was miserable after his shots. I've never had a baby react so poorly to vaccinations. It was heart-breaking, but by the next morning he was over it.

And, in case you still don't believe that the first picture and the second picture are the same baby, here are about 38 photos of the "in between" to show you the newborn-to-chubbers-transformation. Do you think 38 will cut it? not entirely sure...

About 2 weeks old:

sporting the one and only thing i've made for him

wearing the p.j.'s my mom kept all these year. My little brother, Jared, wore these 30 years ago

chillin' with dad

more chillin' with dad

love that little face!!

This is how Abby "holds" James when the TV's on...

3 weeks old:

My engine and caboose!

I took this picture with a blog post title in mind...something clever like "Just a few of my latest creations" Get it? the ottoman, the dresser, the baby...I'm so funny!

LOVE this pic of Abby and James!

James at the Cherry Creek beach in his "wave rider" outfit that you can't even see in this picture...trust me, he was adorably appropriately dressed

4 weeks old:

This was back when he could sleep for hours in the middle of our loud and crazy front room.

still can't believe i have FOUR kids. it's insane, it really is.

Love him in this plaid dress shirt...even if he does look a little drunk in this photo

James meets Aunt Julia

the cheeks! the cheeks!!

6 weeks old:

with Grandpa Ashworth

i really hesitated posting this picture. I get sleepy just looking at myself here. But it's one of about 2 pictures i have with James. plus i'm booty-tired about 90% of the time, so why pretend, right?

Can't get enough of either of these two

one of his first smiles...i think

7 Weeks old:

3-6 month hat that no longer fits

Grace "set up" James's bed this day--blanket, pillow pet, stuffed animals--she was very proud of her work

Eliza's the least interested in James, but even so she does love to hold him.

This is one of 4 amazing onesies my sister-in-law made for James. Under the owl it says "woot woot." I love these little "muscle shirts!"

2 Months Old

woops. dunno how this one got in here

his belly cannot be contained by these 3-6 month jammies

no, i don't wear these glasses regularly now. my girls found these and wanted me to wear them all day. the world is a bit clearer with them on...

gives a whole new meaning to "double chin"

2 1/2 months old:

How can you NOT love that face!?

The whole crew

Photo Shoot

2011-06-27T13:07:00.000-07:00

If I had just a few more photography skills these pictures could have turned out amazing, but even so, i LOVE them and think they're pretty cute. The girls were so sweet and happy to cooperate (granted, there was a bribe involved), Baby James was on his best behavior, and Reid was surprisingly pleasant and extremely helpful :)

Sweet Baby James

2011-06-24T09:13:00.000-07:00

Our little boy has a name! After an insane amount of discussion, debate and deliberating--we've chosen James Reid. It's gonna take some time to get used to calling him that. He's still Baby Brother most of the time. But i think the name fits him well. It was, hands down, the hardest time we've ever had naming a baby. It wasn't my first choice (and to be fair, it wasn't Reid's either--he wanted our dad's names). But Reid really, really really loves James. And as much as I like Harrison, ultimately Reid felt a lot stronger about James.

The overall response we've gotten as we've told people his name has been so-so. We've gotten lots of "Oh, that's a strong name" or "people will always know how to spell and pronounce it." And I can't blame them--it's not the most knock-your-socks-off name in the world. But the two men he's named after--his great-great-great grandpa and his dad--they happen to be two of the most knock-your-socks-off men in the world. And he's lucky to be called after them.

I really just like James--and not many of the nicknames that derive from it. Which is probably really stupid to name my son something that comes with a load of nicknames i don't care for. But I'll just have to be one of those moms who corrects people that call him Jamie or Jimmy. And that's fine. Heaven knows I don't have a hard time telling people how I feel... :)

James is doing so well--and growing a bit every day. I'm doing well, too, and shrinking a bit every day. The girls are in love with him, and love holding him--especially Grace. Reid tries to squeeze in some James-time when he can. But between cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, changing diapers, taking the girls swimming, to the zoo, to the park, and doing every single thing I've asked of him the past 8 days--he hasn't had nearly enough time with this little boy! Lucky for him he's still got plenty of time before his blessed paternity leave ends (and lucky for me!!)

And, since I'm surely not the only one who wants to stare all day at his handsome little face, here are some more pics of our Sweet Baby James.

He smiles in his sleep all the time--i cannot get enough of it!

He's here!!

2011-06-17T11:59:00.000-07:00

After MUCH anticipation, waiting, inpatience, false labor, and watching 4 friends who were due the same week as me have babies....mine finally came :) And he's PERFECT!!! I could not be more in love with this little boy! I really didn't know how I was going to love him as much as my girls--cause it turns out i like them a lot. But he has completely won me over and I will never be the same!

Technically he was a week late, but UNtechnically, he was 2 weeks--as in, i thought for sure he'd come at least a few days early because Eliza did. He had different plans. And although my impatience is what's ruled my life for the past 15 days, now that he's here I barely even remember it :)

(40 weeks pregnant)

(41 weeks pregnant!!!)

My water broke yseterday morning, around 5:30 am. I had been saying all along how awesome it would be to have my water break before labor even begins--that way i'd be SURE to get to the hospital in time. And lo and behold--it did! My dear neighbor came over to be with the girls until our sitter got there, and we arrived at the hospital at 6:30am. Labor didn't really begin until after 10am, and even so it was VERY early labor--contractions 10 mins apart, and fairly mild. We walked the halls, bounced on the exercise ball, and tried to get things going.

By about 1pm, the Dr. convinced me to start pitocin. I'd been hoping to avoid that stuff, since i didn't have a great history with it with Grace, but they started me on the lowest possible dosage, and within 2 minutes my contractions went from every 10 minutes to every 2-4 minutes.

By 3pm, I was dialated to a 4. By 4pm, I was ready for my epidural. And by 6pm I was ready to push!! My epidural only really took on one side, which wasn't too bad until about the last 5-6 contractions--holy moly those were INTENSE! but soon after I started pushing, and everything was BLISS and HEAVEN and i could feel just enough to know that my son has the BIGGEST head--but it didn't hurt :)

When he came out he was blue as blue can be, and i was freaking out. All the nurses kept saying how great he looked, but all i could see was a little blueberry and i wanted a strawberry! Sure enough, after a minute or two he pinked up a bit, and i got to hold my son. And I've fallen....

madly...

in...

LOVE!!!!

He was born at 6:33 p.m., and much like i'd anticipated--he is our biggest baby--8lbs 5oz. 20.5 inches long, and a 14.25 inch head (13-13.5 inches is average)

Reid left soon after he was born to go get the girls. They could not have been any cuter with their baby brother. Grace was protective, Abby was excited, and Eliza was curious about everything.

They were here until about 9:30, and then Reid took them home, where our dear friend spent the night with them, so Reid could come back and be here with me and get his own turn with our little boy!

So far he's a really great baby. Nursing is going well. He sleeps all the time. He likes to suck on his fingers and hands and binki.

And he still doesn't have a name. Logan and Asher are officially off the list, though i do still like both of them. It's narrowed down to:

James Reid Allred (named after Reid's great-grandpa, James Allred)

James Ashworth Allred

Harrison Reid Allred (Reid's grandpa was a Harry, but I can't quite do Harry :)

I really like Harrison, Reid really likes James. But in the midst of thinking about this last night, i was surfing through some shows and landed on PBS airing a James Taylor concert. And of course he was singing "Rock-a-bye Sweet Baby James." So that song has been in my head all night, and it's made me like James a whole lot more :) Maybe it was a sign...

Whatever your name is, we LOVE you little boy!! Thank you for finally deciding to come face the estrogen-loaded Allred home that is your new world :) We needed a little boy!!!

Grace's 6th Birthday

2011-06-07T20:09:00.000-07:00

Any guess as to what "theme" Grace wanted for her Birthday?

(Reid gets all the credit for this awesome tower/hair display, btw)

My girls (and maybe their parents) are in LOVE with the new Disney movie--"Tangled". So, it was no shocker when Grace wanted a Tangled b-day party. She invited 22 girls. Which was fine, since usually about half can't come. But it turns out that if parents have the chance to dump their 5-6 year old off on a Friday night for 2.5 hours--they make it happen. There were twenty girls there!!!

I didn't stress it too much, 'cause we had a plan:

5:30-5:45 - Girls arrive
5:45-7:15 - Girls ALL in the basement, eating popcorn, watching Tangled in its entirety
7:15 - Girls come upstairs for "Tangled" gift exchanged (a brilliant idea I stole from my neighbor--each girl brings AND goes home with exactly one gift!)
7:40 - Girls eat cake and ice cream
8:00 - Girls' parents come and take sugar-loaded children home

The first 25 minutes played out EXACTLY like we'd planned. The girls all brought blankets/pillows and were very excited to watch the movie. They loved (and spilled all of) the popcorn

And then. One by one. They started coming upstairs, saying "i've seen this movie a hundred times," "i'm bored, what else can I do," or "what else is there to eat?" I was in the middle of getting the game ready--tying each gift to a long piece of Rapunzel's hair (yellow yarn) and all I could say was "go outside and play!"

But Super-Reid saved the day. Seriously. He was amazing. He started playing Red Light/Green Light with the handful of girls that were done with the movie. And by 6:15 all but two of the girls were in the backyard playing Mother May I with Reid. And somehow he kept them all happy for one whole hour!

So, around 7:15 the girls came in for the "Tangled Gift Exchange." The girls absolutely LOVED this game. None of them knew which gift their strand of hair was attached to. And the strands definitely got "tangled"--which was the point. Grace was a trooper. She really liked the gift she opened--which was an artsy-craftsy gift. But she also started seeing all the barbies, and fairy dolls that other girls were opening, and she started to get tears in her eyes. But she just wiped them away and kept going around to her friends. I witnessed this and my heart just about broke! I had purchased two gifts as "backups" in case there were any hurt feelings. And although she didn't ever say a word or complain one bit, I went all softy and decided that it was time for a "backup" gift. So Reid pulled her aside and let her open the little fairy doll with a glittery horse. And she was soooooo happy--like a birthday girl should be :) And THEN, when her friend was disappointed with the gift she'd opened, Grace offered her the art/craft gift--which her friend LOVED. It was sweet to see these little girls working things out.

This year, for the first (and not last!) time I actually purchased the birthday cake. Grace wasn't a big fan of any of the "homemade" options i'd ran by her. And truthfully--neither was I. So, a big thanks to Target's bakery--they had the cake she'd "always wanted." And now, when the girls and I go past any bakery section, we have 20+ minute conversations about what their next cake is gonna be. I just might not ever make a birthday cake again! :)

Grace absolutely loved her birthday party. Maybe we'll even let her have another one someday... :)

Grace's actual birthday was a little more low key. Most of the morning was spent making her classroom treat:

And then, for dinner we went to a restaurant of her choosing--Tres Margaritas. They put a big sombrero on her head and sang to her--which made her all kinds of shy. It was cute.

After dinner we came home and opened presents. It was like pulling teeth trying to get her to tell me what she'd like for her birthday. Her biggest request was a booster car seat--which she got and loves. She got some clothes and a Rapunzel beach towel. I made her a little fleece blanket (by "made" i mean tied the edges) that she loved. I can't tell if she is just trying to make her poor ole mom feel good, but she sleeps with it every night and tells me all the time how much she loves it. She's sweet.

She also got some $$ from Grandma Allred. That was probably the thing that got the best reaction from her. Not because Grace wants money so she can buy something. No, no. My sweet, practical 6 year old is saving up for.....are you ready? a bank account! How cute is that? she went to the bank with Reid a few weeks ago and asked when she could get her own account. The lady told her she needed $25. And she has taken it very seriously to start saving up for that! She's more than half way there, and loves to do her $.25 chores that get her closer to her goal. Apart from candy, there's really nothing that Grace ever wants to buy at the store, so I think she's going to reach her goal pretty soon. And then she might reach her ULTIMATE goal--which is a check from Mom and Dad. Everytime we pay a babysitter Grace begs for a check of her own. She's so practical--i love it :)

Grace is a rule person. She does really well with rules. Of course this doesn't apply to the "being bossy or mean to your sisters is against the family rules" rule. But with other--more black and white things--like brushing her teeth, paying a tithe, washing her hands after school, taking her dishes to the sink, doing her daily chores, being honest, staying by mom in the parking lot--those kinds of things she does really, really well.

She loves to learn. She learns really well from her teachers. She has done so well in Kindergarten, and has had a wonderful teacher--we're all so sad that it's soon coming to an end.

Grace protects her sisters. For a 6 year old, she's incredibly responsible and observant. She'll make a great babysitter someday--i'm calling it.

She has a very active and sharp mind. And it's always in motion. She asks questions that constantly stump Reid and me--like "who made God?"?!?!

She's naturally really athletic. She just finished her first soccer season and caught right up with the other kids who've been playing for a couple years. She's fast and she loves to run--she will race anyone.

She's very competitive. She loves to win. She tries hard to be a good sport, and succeeds much of the time.

She's so excited about Baby Brother joining our family. She was just 3 years old last time a baby was born into this home--and she doesn't remember it at all. This will be such a different experience for her. I'm excited to have her helping hands around. Grace has been saying for a few days now that Baby Brother "is going to come on Wednesday, because I prayed that he would." I love her faith. I hope (for many reasons) that she's right.:)

We love you, Grace! We're so glad to have you in our family!!

Living Room Makeover

2011-06-02T21:10:00.000-07:00

According to my good friend, Gina, my old front room "felt like a cave." We don't get a lot of sunlight in here, and our lamps didn't do a whole lot. It never bothered me much. It's cool in the summer time, and cozy in the winters and honestly--i'm just not one whose mood is really affected by the way a room looks.

Gina, however, is. And she finally convinced me that some light paint, and (buying some and) raising the curtains would make a huge difference. She helped me find my "style"--which was no small task. She went with me (and our 6 children) on numerous runs to Home Goods, Tuesday Mornings, Savers, GoodWill, garage sales, etc. And finally things started to come together! She's amazing!

Unfortunately for her, I'm unlike normal people who are perfectly capable of buying new things to decorate with--for me "decorating" apparently means "rescuing as many old things from the dumpster/Savers and giving them new life." Bless Gina's heart for not abandoning me mid-way through the whole thing. She's redone MANY a room, and I'm quite sure that all of them combined didn't take the amount of time that mine did!!

I don't really have many good "before pics." here are a few from the past 2 years to give you an idea of what the room looked like. Most of these are during Christmas time....

BEFORE:

before

AFTER:

My mantel--which i LOVE! I painted/antiqued the green and blue frames and got the big white one from a garage sale. Pardon the birthday sign :)

The drum shade i made following this tutorial (the picture is crooked, not the shade)

Before and after of this sweet $8 chair I got from GoodWill. My sister-in-law, Jana, helped reupholster this--it probably wouldn't have happened without her!

Before and after of the dresser we painted. I decided to try to keep the same ugly drawer handles, which i actually love now! the top left drawer now hinges down and houses our DVD player and remotes (Reid's contribution)

Still to come are pics of the reupholstered ottoman and the antique secretary desk i got.

I do love my new living room. I'm so glad Gina made me do it. I don't know if it's completely transformed the way I feel when I'm in it (which was Gina's biggest hope) but having a room that looks so nice motivates me to keep it clean...which makes my husband happy. And when he's happy, i'm happy :)

A little rambling

2011-06-02T09:33:00.000-07:00

I just asked Reid to read this post and make sure there was nothing offensive or inaccurate. All he had to say was "it's a little rambly." And since i'm not one to worry about a little rambling, i'm just gonna click Publish Post now.

No, I haven't had my baby yet. And yes....

...I'm ready!!!

Well, sort of. The other night i had about 3 hours of contractions that I thought were going to go somewhere...and i realized how many things i didn't have ready! So, at 1am I finished packing our hospital bag, got some clothes, pj's, and toothbrushes in a bag for the girls, and panicked about the fact that i'm STILL not ready to have a boy.

It's no small secret that I'm freaked out about the gender of this baby. Boys scare me. Everyone who's in the i-have-a-son-and-don't-know-what-i'd-do-without-him club tries to reassure me that i'll be fine, and that boys are the best, way easier than girls, yada yada yada. And i do believe them...sort of. But for now, i'm still freaking out.

I'm also freaking out because I remember labor with Eliza. With a little "hypnobirthing" i managed the pain well for the first 7 centimeters-- but it's the last 2.5 that are feeling more and more familiar with each contraction that i have (which averages about 10-20/day). And although I managed to get my beloved epidural at the very end of labor with her....i'd really prefer it this time before the hardest part of labor. But my hospital is still 35 minutes away--with no traffic. And i still haven't convinced my OB to give me a port for my epidural. So, that's still on my mind some...

I've said all along that I really don't want to be induced. I went through that with my first--and those contractions were awful. But one of my close friends--who was due tomorrow--decided to get induced yesterday. And now she's holding her baby in her arms, and she's no longer pregnant! I'm experiencing some serious jealousy!!! I'm starting to reconsider my "will no be induced" theory...but I've still got a few more days before i'm 40 weeks...

I've told my Dr.'s that i don't want to be checked this pregnancy. With the others (especially Eliza) i was so sure everytime they checked that they were going to tell me that i was at a 2, or a 3. or any number above 0. But such was never the case. So, i told them that i don't wanna hear it this go-around. It's not like it's fun having them check, and it's certainly not fun hearing that all the contractions i have all day are doing NOTHING to my cervix. So, that's that.

It's kinda weird being knowing that this is the last time I'll be pregnant (assuming we don't have any 'surprises' in our future!). It makes me feel like I can't complain as much as I want to. I mean, i'll never have a baby moving inside of me again. And although most the time he just makes me pee my pants a little--i do love feeling and seeing his kicks, and trying to figure out which limbs are which. And although my back has hurt more this go-round than any of the others, and my legs are swelling, and my feet are sore and my energy is gone by about noon each day--i feel like there's a small part of me that's actually holding on to this pregnancy. I guess it's just like any stage of life--it's kinda weird knowing i'm leaving this baby-makin' stage. Pretty soon I'm going to be the one at the grocery store looking at the young mom with small kids saying "oh, i remember that stage well--it may not feel like it now, but sooner than you think they'll be too big for that cart!"

I've loved sharing his kicks and punches with my girls. Grace especially loves to feel Baby Brother kick. Abby doesn't have quite as much patience for it, but she's felt a handful of big kicks. Eliza.....well, Eliza just found out last month that Baby Brother is a boy.....so i'm not so sure exactly what she thinks about any of this :) (seriously, i asked her if Baby Brother was a boy or a girl, and she was very certain he was a she. I guess the term "brother" didn't really have any context for her...) And, unlike many moms-to-be--i don't mind when people (barring total strangers, i suppose) touch my belly. For the 4th and final time of my life--it's rock hard. It's solid. It's not marshmallowy. It ain't ever gonna be this firm again, folks. So touch away.

One of the things that has me most nervous about this little guy's arrival is the fact that we still don't have a name for him. And we're not exactly close, either. My dear husband, who is named after his two grandpa's, thinks that choosing a family name is the only way to go. (this apparently only applies to boys, since it never came up ONCE when we were naming our girls....although Eliza is named after her great-great grandmas...) But the problem is--I don't really like a lot of the family names we have to choose from. I mean, Victor and Claude and Harry and Peter were and are such great people. But could I really name our baby any of those? and Reid's dad's name is....well, it's Reid's dad's name! I don't see the need for two people in the family with the exact same name! If I dare suggest names that aren't on the family tree, i pretty much get shut down immediately. We've made no progress. We don't even really have a list. i have no idea what we'll name this little guy.

Assuming he really is a little guy. I've had 4-5 dreams about him--and he's always a she in those dreams! Our ultrasound was very clear, so I don't know why i still question this. Maybe it's because my list of girl names is about a mile long...

I've been "nesting" a bit lately, I suppose. Since Jr. is going to be sleeping in our closet for a while (until he gets to share the other bedroom with his sisters??) there hasn't been much nursery prep to do. So, with MUCH help from my friend Gina, i've been redoing our front room, and now our guest room. I'll post pictures soon. She and her sister-in-law just helped me paint an entire bedroom set, which reminded me of 2.5 years ago when i was painting my kitchen ceiling during early labor with Eliza. What is it with me and painting things with a big ole' belly??

It's gonna be hard not being able to call my mom as soon as the baby is born. I'm trying to prepare for that. The whole month of May was a hard month--with her birthday, Mother's Day, the 1-year anniversary of her death, and Memorial day. She and this little guy have been on my mind so much. I would love to have a better understanding of the potential interactions they've had over the past year. Has his soul met my mom's? Did she try to prep him for being raised in a house with so many little moms around him? Or has my mom been my angel? taking care of me as I carry this little guy? I don't have any answers, but I can't help but think that the reason their both on my mind soooo much of the time is because of some unique, special and sacred connection between us three--something i certainly don't, and probably can't understand. And although I know I'm going to feel sorrow when the time comes to start calling family and telling them about his birth, I just keep thinking that I know my mom. And I know that if she has ANY say in things--she'll be there. She wouldn't miss this birth for the world.

Weekend Get-a-way

2011-05-02T21:26:00.000-07:00

Over President's Day weekend we took a little family vacation. Maybe it would even qualify as a staycation. 'Cause we didn't really go that far, but we saw all sorts of new sights--all within about a 100 mile radius of our house.

We started with the 700-year-old Anasazi cliff dwellings just outside of Colorado Springs. The girls loved this place. Everything in it is size small. And everything was "hands-on." We climbed in and out of the dwellings. The girls thought it was like a big doll house. I kept wondering how pregnant ladies got in and out of those little doors every day.

Our next stop was the old mining town Cripple Creek. Most of the touristy things were shut down for the season, but there was the Annual Cripple Creek Ice Festival going on, which was actually really cool (pun slightly intended). I'd never seen the "making of" process before, so it was fun watching the dudes with their hair dryers and chisels. The theme was "Children's Stories" so there was a Dr. Seuss display, Chronicles of Narnia, a couple ambiguous sculptures and an ice slide. Good times.

We also spent some time in the town's museum learning about mining and how big a part of our state's history it is. And I'm just gonna pretend that I knew about the link between Colorado's gold mining and the fact that there's a US Mint here in Denver. 'Cause the lady explaining it looked at me like I really should've known that.

After the lady at the tourist center told us that in all her life she only knew "a handful of people who had died on those narrow roads," we opted to take the road more traveled to our next destination, rather than the (in)famous Phantom Highway. We got to Canon City just in time for dinner and a swim in the hotel's outdoor heated pool. It was, according to our girls, the "best part of our trip!!!!" And might I just add that John Wayne, John Bellushi, Jane Fonda and many other movie stars had stayed in that hotel? They've got signs on all the room doors telling you who stayed where. Our room had once been occupied by the lovely Goldie Hawn. Apparently there were tons of cowboy flicks filmed in the area back in the day. And the Quality Inn there housed them all.

The next morning we headed to see the "second highest suspension bridge in the world!!"

Royal Gorge Bridge is suspended over the Arkansas River (I'm also gonna just pretend I knew that the Arkansas river runs through Colorado) and it is AWESOME!! They've got a whole park built around the bridge--which is good and bad. If you have a few hours, it's lots of fun. But if you just wanna walk over the bridge and not do the other stuff--you still have to pay the park's over-priced entrance fee. Unless you're with me, of course!! I somehow talked the lady into letting Reid and the girls in for free if I paid my entrance fee. It probably helped that their biggest attraction--the Tram--was closed. And it was off-season. And we were the first ones there. And i just have magical powers that allow me to do that sort of thing.

We had fun walking across the bridge. And Eliza, for whatever cute reason, was absolutely convinced that hundreds of feet below her she saw "cwocodiles!!" It was the cutest thing. She was screaming it, over and over "I see cwocodiles!! I see cwocodiles!!" And then she'd throw herself back down on the bridge to look through the cracks to see them some more.

The girls thought it was pretty cool watching Reid's spit take 15+ seconds to reach the river below.

And me? i just panicked every time a car drove across the bridge while we were on it. I mean, who decided that suspension bridges actually work anyway? 'cause I'm not sold.

On the other side of the bridge was the Mountain Man Encampment, the Wildlife Park, and the (closed) petting zoo.

And last, but not least--the Royal Rush Skycoaster. We thought our girls would get a kick out of watching people do this, so we sat down and watched two ladies on this ride. (We didn't know that they were Mrs. and Miss Potty-Mouths, or we probably wouldn't have been so close.) But you know who else got a kick out of it? Reid! So much so, that he decided to do it! Never, in a million years, would I ever consider doing this, so I welcomed my built-in excuse (thank you, unborn son o' mine). But Reid got all gutsy and took the dive! And, unlike the previous riders, when he dove head first toward the cement, he omitted the four-letter words and merely screamed like a school girl. But by the time he started to swing out over the canyon, he was loving it! It was pretty awesome. And i was totally impressed that he did it! That's my man! (note: my camcorder died moments before he plunged. He denies having screamed like a little girl. So it's just his word against mine... who you gonna believe?)

Our last stop was the one and only castle (that i know of) in Colorado. I'm not sure what it takes to qualify as a castle, but the guy that built this thing-- with his own hands, from scratch--calls it a castle. And if he wants to call it a castle? I'm gonna call it a castle.

I'd heard about Bishop's Castle several times. But i never imagined that it was going to be so insanely HUGE!!! It was amazing.

Although their parents were panicked about the structural safety issues of the castle (e.g. steep staircases with no hand rails, a waiver that everyone has to sign, the fact that one dude just built this thing to tick off the government, etc) the girls absolutely loved this castle.

Especially the "ballroom"

And what girl doesn't dream of dancing with her prince in a real ballroom?!?!

It was a fun little get-a-way weekend. We loved spending some time with our kids. They're at such a fun and easy stage to travel with. And this was perhaps the last time our family will all fit in one hotel room! I'm just glad we could share that room with Goldie.

Abby's 4th B-day

2011-04-05T21:19:00.000-07:00

My little Abby turned 4! granted, it was exactly 3 months ago....but still!! FOUR?!?!!? How did she get so old?

We had a fun little family celebration here at home. She got gifts that she would NEVER have gotten if it weren't for the post-Christmas 75% off clearance section at Target. And I totally plan on reminding her of that when the day comes that she figures out how ripped-off she is by having her birthday right after the Holidays.

And we invited a bunch of her friends to Chuck-E-Cheese for an evening of games, rubber-pizza (and Subway sandwiches that I sneaked in for the adults) and cupcakes. I'd never really imagined any of our kids having a party at Chuck-E-Cheese. But then again, there are a LOT of things that i never really imagined myself doing as a parent....

In spite of the bold "NO GIFTS, PLEASE" that was clearly typed in TWO separate sections of the Evite, she was still showered with presents from all her friends. Abby, of course, was thrilled at the parents' blatant disregard for a pregnant woman's plea to not add more clutter to the post-Christmas chaos :) She got a lot of coloring/crafty things....which have actually been really fun to work on. And a couple books and games and cd's that she LOVES. She really does like having things that she can call her own, and since she's so good at sharing with her sisters, i can't begrudge her a few gifts now, can i....

Abby continues to be the sweet and happy girl she's pretty much been since birth. Although we're starting to see a bit more of a temper in her, she really is mostly the mellow sister that the other sisters want to play with. She loves reading books with Mom, any kind of puzzles and especially GAMES! She got Charades for her birthday (or was it for Christmas?) and she wants to play it about 3 times a day. She's actually really good at it, too! She loves memory games, Guess Who, and really just about any game that she can convince anyone to play with her. She also LOVES movies. Of all my children, she has the greatest...um...capacity to tune out all her surroundings and truly focus on whatever show in on the TV. She's really not picky about what she watches, which is nice....i guess :)

Her speech has FINALLY really started to improve. Even just in the past couple of weeks Reid and I have both really noticed her consciously choosing to say her "s" and "sh" sounds correctly. She has known how to do it for 4 months now, but just in the past 2-4 weeks is she doing it without being reminded. Her "R" and "L" sounds are still pretty rough...but those aren't considered a "problem" until she's like 6 or 7.

She's my pickiest eater. Granted, most of my friends will want to shoot me in the head for referring to ANY of my kids as "picky" but still....she's the least willing to try new things, and the most likely to try a bite or two of something and announce that she doesn't like it. Of course her instinct to survive is stronger than her pickiness, so she eventually eats what's given to her. But she often doesn't like it.

She's the first one to wake up in the morning (and the first one to fall asleep at night), but is happy to just read books in her bed (the top-bunk) while she waits for her sisters to wake up. Their room is pretty light from about 6:30 on. They don't get up until 8ish. And, unlike her loud little sister, i have NO idea how long she's been awake each morning when i go in to get them. Bless her for this trait of hers :)

She's very excited about her baby brother coming. She's full of all sorts of questions about him, and about how he'll get here and what he'll eat and how he'll eat it. Side Story: She asked Reid the other day if milk comes out of his "boobies", too? (don't judge me for teaching my kids that word to describe all upper parts of the female anatomy. It just seemed so much better than any of the correct alternatives, okay!) Reid said no and she asked him then why do you even have them? And that, my dears, is a question i have NO idea how to answer? any thoughts on that?

She LOVES to play pretend with her sisters. She loves preschool. She LOVES her ballet/tap class. She loves watching Grace's soccer games. She loves playdates with friends. She HATES chores and cleaning up, although she's getting better at them. She hates being excluded from ANYTHING. She HATES getting ready for bed, though once she's in bed we almost NEVER hear a peep from her.

She loves her mom and dad. I wouldn't say she prefers one of us over the other, but Reid might say she prefers me. Either way, she really is just happy to have us around. And we feel the same way about her!

We love you, Abby!

Christmas 2010-Part II

2011-04-05T20:48:00.000-07:00

Remember almost four months ago when it was Christmas? yeah, neither do it. Which stinks 'cause there were a lot of fun things we did at Reid's family's house, but they're all long-gone in my pregnancy-induced amnesic mind. Maybe this will teach me a lesson about putting off blogging....but probably not.

Although i remember shockingly little, what i DO know is that every time we go there--this Christmas included-- i feel even more grateful to have married into his family. They are wonderful people who make me want to be a better person, and especially a better mom. I, of course, can't remember the why, but I do remember driving away from there and talking to Reid about the fact that his parents and siblings inspire me to be a better mom. Who gets this lucky with in-laws? honestly?!?!

The girls LOVE their Allred cousins/grandparents/aunts/uncles. They love Grandma and Grandpa Allred's house. And I love how happy they are when we're there. I also love how many other people are around that make it feel like a mini-vacation from my full-time job. And when we go in wintertime, my dear sweet husband doesn't golf 18 holes/day, which is nice, too :) (honey, you know i love and support you in your hobbies, right? i'm just sayin'...)

Christmas morning was wonderful. I'm sure it was. If it wasn't, then i'd probably actually remember it.

Luckily I took some pictures to prove that we were there, fun was had, gingerbread houses were made, and that we all had matching jammies.

Quick little update

2011-03-09T14:59:00.000-08:00

January and February are typically my two least favorite months of the year. Along with the post-Christmas slum that hits most years, having kids has turned those months into get-sick-and-stay-inside-for-60-days-straight months. And i dread them.

But this January and February have been an exception to what's hopefully becoming the old rule. We have had two really, really great months here at our lil' house. I think most of that is because my girls have been getting along really well--at least well for them. They definitely still have their days--and usually they take turns having "those days" but for the most part, they're playing really, really well together. I love having Grace in afternoon Kindergarten. We are all in our best moods (well, usually) in the mornings and only two mornings a week do we have to rush out of here to get Abby to preschool. So our mornings usually are a really good together time. And this whole second trimester has been pretty good to me. I've had way more energy, fewer moody days, and am sleeping better at night....not to mention i'm not lying on the couch all the time telling the girls that "mommy can't do that right now." So i think part of what's made these past couple of months so great is just that Mom is back.

Grace has been "off track" for almost 4 weeks now. And it's been wonderful. I really like having her around more, and the lazy part of me really likes not having to watch the clock and make sure we get her to school on time. But she was excited to start back up again today. She loves her friends and teacher and learning. She's doing really well at school. She's a "top reader" in her class. I don't really know what that means, but that's what her teacher told me. She's not reading chapter books, but i think she could if she wanted to. She enjoys reading to her sisters, and prefers books with pictures. Can't say i blame her.

Grace started Girl Scouts a few weeks ago...and it was just in time to sell cookies. Cookie Week was a week of mayhem, but she did great and sold 60 boxes! Granted, it was I who sent the email that resulted in most of those sales, but she overcame her shyness and delivered almost all of those boxes to the people's doorsteps. She loves being a "daisy" and i'm enjoying learning more about the world of Girl Scouts, since I never did it as a kid.

Grace and Abby both started gymnastics last month. I've been promising them for months that we'd get them started, and we finally did it. They both love it. Grace, who is insanely athletic (especially for an off-spring of mine!), is doing really well. She's really, really good at it. Abby, on the other hand, seems to take more after me :) Gymnastics is really, really good for her :)

Abby, however, is a little ballerina, and has started ballet/tap classes from this sweet lady named Miss Muffie. Abby LOVES to dance, and is quite the natural at it. She's got a little friend who goes to class with her, and she looks forward to that class all week long. A couple weeks before we signed her up Abby went through a little grumpy/whiny/sassy stage. Reid and I were at a loss as to what to do. She's never really even been disciplined much because she so rarely does anything naughty. So, we tried time-outs....but they didn't work. We tried sending her to her room, but saw no change. Finally, the day after her "trial" ballet class, I decided to take away "stars" every time she acted out. And if she lost all her stars she wouldn't be able to sign up for ballet. It worked like a charm! She only lost 7 of her 15 stars, and she's been much more Abby-esque ever since :)

Eliza loves to wear her leotard to both the gymnastics class and the ballet class. And doesn't seem to notice that she is not actually a participant at either. Which is nice, since i have no intentions of spending a dime on any classes for her. Poor third child! Grace had done tumbling AND ballet at our rec centers by age 2.5. Same with Abby. But Eliza doesn't need to know that, does she... :)

As for baby boy--he's growing every day. As is his mom. I had someone ask me the other day if i was "close to delivery." I wouldn't consider three months close, so i said no. She probably felt bad. But i think i felt worse. I feel like i am 8.5 months pregnant--at least. Bending over, going up stairs, fitting in clothes--they're all so much more difficult than they should be at 6 months. But that doesn't mean i'm at all ready for him to come out. We are at such a manageable stage of life. My girls are all so much more independent than they were last time we had a baby. All of them get themselves dressed (Eliza actually does it better than Abby, who still prefers for mom to do it...lazy thing) and they all get themselves in and out of their car seats (well, Eliza has sisters help her get out) and they all take their dishes to the sink, put their clothes in their drawers, walk with me at the grocery store (giving me much more room for the food!) and feel like KIDS rather than babies! It's such a lovely stage. And what in the world are we doing LEAVING this stage?

They're all so excited for him to join our family. Eliza hugs and kisses my belly every day. Abby, who saw the reaction that Reid and I gave Eliza when she prayed "for the baby in mommy's belly" without any prompting from us, now includes the same thing in her prayer every night--and always looks up afterward expecting the same reaction. Of course, I oblige. Grace is the most anxious for his arrival. She wants to know his name. So do I. Reid and I can't agree on a single name. Though we both know we want him to have Reid as a middle name.

Reid's firm has allowed him to do a two-month "internship" at the City Attorney's office. He's been there about 5 weeks and he is LOVING it!!! He's done 8 or 9 jury trials, and has won all but one of them. He's a natural trial lawyer. He jumped right into the whole thing and has just blown everyone away. Although his hours are a tiny bit worse at this job than his normal job (he has to leave at 7am, before the girls and i get up, but he's still home by 6 most days), he has lots less work to do in the evenings, and he LOVES what he does! And, for the first time in his career, I find myself actually interested in what he's doing :) Who knows what will come of this. Come April, he'll be back at his firm, behind a desk and computer, editing briefs and memos.

I am enjoying a relatively relaxed time in life. No overwhelming projects going on, no fund-raisers (have i even mentioned that we raised the $$ and bought the chamber for my sister!?!!?! i'm so behind!!!), no deadlines, no holidays to stress me out or make me sad. It's just been a good, healthy, wonderful start to a new year. And now spring is around the corner!! I've started my tomato seeds, my compost is all decomposed, and my tulips are starting to pop up!

Life is good.

Christmas 2010

2011-01-19T08:39:00.000-08:00

There's nothing anyone could have said, although many tried, that could have prepared me for the heart-ache that would arrive with the Christmas season. And it turns out that there was no project big enough and no to-do list long enough to stop my mind from constantly being turned to my mom.

She loved Christmas. And I loved the way she did Christmas. Everything she did defines my version of the way Christmas should be done. From homemade toffee and salami to homemade gifts and decorations--everything she did was just as it should be.

She would call me at least 3 times a day to discuss gifts for everyone, or just to tell me what she'd bought for the girls because she couldn't stand keeping it a secret. Nothing made me happier than watching the extremely practical, frugal, budget-bound mother I knew growing up slowly turn into the buy-random-lavish-overpriced-unneccesities-just-because-I-can mom.

She would have loved to see all the work that my siblings and I did to raise money for our sister. My mom worried about Cynthia constantly, and would call me all the time with ideas or questions about how we could help her. She would have been "tickled pink" (her words) at the sight of all of her children pooling their resources for their big sister.

She would have LOVED the fact that Reid, upon my request, clipped boughs from our blue spruce out front, threw them in the tree pot she gave us and made our own Christmas tree! We weren't going to be here for almost half of the month, so it seemed like middle-ground between no tree and big tree :)

She would have loved to hear about the girls visiting Santa, and how Grace just spoke right up and talked to him--no tears, no fears. And how he couldn't understand a thing Abby said, but responded with a perfect "Oh, that'll be nice."

I feel like I cried my (pre-pregnancy) weight in tears this holiday season. I missed my mom more than I had since she passed away. It had never felt so permanent. So unchangeable. I needed to call her SO MANY TIMES. Between questions about Christmas, sewing/crocheting projects and fund-raising stuff--i just NEEDED my mom!!! And it hurt so much to think that she's gone, and that she'll be gone for all the Christmases to come. The faith i have that I'll see her again someday, and that we'll be together forever did nothing to ease the pain of her being gone during the holidays--which was sad and made me feel like I was missing the whole point of the season.

I thought it would help if I buried myself in projects, especially the kind she used to do. So, on top of the fund-raising, I made a quilt for my dad and siblings--one that should have started in October or November--but didn't because of morning sickness. I had these two pairs of her pajamas that were the inspiration for the quilt:

Both pairs, as you can see, were very pink, and i didn't want it to look like a baby quilt. So with MUCH help from a dear friend of mine, Gina, i found just the right combination of colors and spent every free second in December working on this:

Even with all the quilting no-no's and short cuts i took, it still took so much longer than i'd anticipated! But it was probably the only thing I did that made my mom feel closer. Most things just reminded me how far away she is, but when I worked on this--it didn't feel like that. So, although i complained non-stop about how this was stressing me out and taking over my life...the truth is, i really, really, really loved working on it.

My favorite part is this little p.j. pocket :)

I didn't realize how much I needed to be with my family until we got to Provo a week before Christmas--5 of my 7 siblings were there-- and I felt like my grief was lifted. There were people around me who were feeling as sad as I was--who also missed Mom. And I was home, in my mom's home. I was able to "deck" my parent's halls (my dad had 'saved' all the Christmas decorating for us :) ) which was SOOO healthy and healing and good for my aching heart. It was just so good to be back where all of my memories of her and Christmas take place.

We went to the cemetery. That was a beautiful and sad moment. I hadn't seen my mom's grave marker yet. It was a lot like when I first saw her obituary--it made it feel even more real. Why does it need to keep feeling more real???

We sang some carols, including one of her favorites--The Holly and the Ivy. We cried. We hugged. We grieved.

We also had so many joyous moments. For the first time all season, I was truly able to enjoy Christmas and all the wonderfulness that comes with it!

We had a birthday party for Kristie/Baby Shower for Jared and Kristie's little girl--Alia Kathryn Ashworth--who'll be born in a couple weeks. And we even convinced the men in the family to play a baby shower game! Granted it was Baby Shower Taboo rather than Name The Melted Candy Bar In The Diaper...

We play Celebrity Bowl Game (as always) and stayed up past 1am (as always)
(no photos...thank heavens)

We did a little Nativity with hymns and scriptures.

We ran barefoot in the snow (by "we" i do not mean "me"--i was the designated photographer :) )

We had a great time just being together. It wasn't "my year" to have Christmas at my house, so this little jaunt to Provo for some pre-Christmas celebrating wasn't actually in the plans. But plans changed. And I'm so glad they did. I don't know if I could have really enjoyed our next few days up in Wyoming at Reid's house if I hadn't had those three days in Provo. It was just what I needed.

Catching up

2011-01-13T15:26:00.000-08:00

I spent most of October and November wanting to puke, laying on the couch, and sleeping. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration, since i really was able to hold down food, get out and take Grace to kindergarten every day, and maintain most functions as a mom. But when i wasn't absolutely needed throughout the day, I usually crashed.

I got feeling lots better right around the beginning of December, which is when life got insanely busy (as i'm sure it did for all of you) so I never got around to updating this sad, neglected blog. But that's what January is for! Here's what we were up to....

FALL FESTIVAL/ATTEMPT AT FAMILY PHOTO 2010:

We took the girls to the Littleton Historic Museum, which has a 1860's farm behind it. I foolishly thought we could combine this outing with a quick family photo. Bad idea. I wish i could say that the biggest problem with family photos in general, and this day, was my kids. It wasn't. It was their father. Reid is the WORST when it comes to family photos! He is grumpy. He is ornery. From the moment I say, "let's take a photo" he is saying, "babe, the girls don't want to do this" in a whiny i-wanna-kill-him kinda voice. It is, to this date, the biggest ongoing battle we have. We can sometimes joke about it. But usually i just want to strangle him. His attitude OBVIOUSLY rubs off on the girls, so they're miserable. I'm trying to bribe them, keep them happy, and keep the steam from coming out of my ears, since i don't really know how to photoshop steam out. And we all look like we're faking being a happy family.

What i learned this day is that attempting such a feat in the middle of what SHOULD have been a fun family day was a BAD idea. It made for 5 grumpy people, all wanting to leave, but not being allowed to until we'd found the perfect pumpkins, played with pioneer toys and had some fun, damnit!

Anyway, here are the best we came up with. Between the wind and Reid's "Girls, do you want to be done with photos?" i feel pretty lucky you can see most of our faces.


This photo really captured the entire outing--Abby was mostly pleasant, Eliza mostly cried and Grace mostly grumped. If you'd captured my attitude in a photo, i'd probably have been giving Reid the bird. HAPPY FALL FESTIVAL! :)

HALLOWEEN 2010:

Grace dressed up as Jesse from Toy Story. I somehow managed to make her some chaps, turn a white shirt into a Jesse shirt, and figured out a hat/hair ensemble--which all turned out really cute. (her red-yarn braid isn't showing in this picture, but it was cute!)

Abby dressed up as Little Bo Peep from Toy Story. Somewhere, at some garage sale, i guess, i got this Little Bo Peep dress. I never knew how thankful i'd be for it years later, when it saved me from having to make one!

Eliza dressed up as Mrs. Potato Head from Toy Story. Never in my life have i created something so homemade looking. I mean, it had potential, i guess, but WOW did it turn out homely. And you should see it in person. It was a mix of atrocious and adorable. But c'mon! I was feeling really sick. And she's two. And it went really well with her permanently crazy hair (which deserves its own post). And for whatever reason, everywhere we went--her costume got the most comments :).

Some friends put together a little party for all our kids a week or two before Halloween. Eliza got to be Tinkerbell for this gathering....which i probably shoulda just stuck with...

VISITS FROM FAMILY/THANKSGIVING 2010:

Tom and Jana came out in early November for a brief but wonderful visit. Our girls were thrilled to have "baby Gabe" around (he's no longer a baby...but we can't quite drop the "baby" part....)
Jana and I crocheted up a storm--she is amazing and was so helpful in getting me jump-started for my sister's fundraiser. It was so nice to have them here!!

Reid's mom, dad and little sister drove through some nasty weather to join us for Thanksgiving. We loved having them here!
Reid ran a 5K Thanksgiving morning, and came home exhausted and with a sore knee. But that did not prevent him from tackling the turkey. He seriously prepared one of the best turkeys i've ever had.

The girls had fun making the rolls with Grandma.

The dinner was delicious. The kids gobbled down 20 fingers worth of olives before the meal even began. Everything was delicious. And I was so sad not to have the stomach to eat even my first serving....but i made up for it in leftovers :)

After dinner we read some little papers we'd been collecting in a mug--things we were thankful for. We had Grace read the last one, which said "I'm thankful that my mom has a baby in her belly." She looked up and me and gasped, "What?!?!? Why does it say that?" She was completely shocked and so happy, she just kept hugging my belly saying, "my baby, my baby." Abby was happy, too. And Eliza didn't really get it. Reid's parents weren't really paying attention when she read it, so we had to re-read it. The whole "announcement" didn't go down like i had envisioned it. But it was a priceless moment, nonetheless.

Now onto December.....

It's a....

2011-01-11T14:41:00.000-08:00

Just take a guess. A stab in the dark, if you will.

Due: June 10, 2011

The girls (and their parents!) are all so excited to have a little boy in our home. From the moment we told them ~~why mommy was on the couch all the time~~ we were having a baby, they've been pretty certain that it was a little boy. Considering how much sicker i've been this time around, how much weight i've gained (!!!) and how i couldn't get enough protein (yes, meat!) for the first 3 months--i was thinking it was a little guy, too. But really, going into this ultrasound this morning, I realized that truly i just wanted to see a healthy baby in there. And we very thankfully did.

I love me a good cause...

2010-11-16T22:15:00.000-08:00

Remember back in July when I went with my 2 sisters to go visit our oldest sister and we had an awesome garage sale that raised tons of money for Cynthia? My dad also was able to sell my mom's church organ and raise some more for Cynthia. And all of this was so that she could rent, for one month, a hyperbaric oxygen chamber to see if it would benefit her. Well, this last month we finally rented the (insanely expensive) chamber. And you know what???? it actually worked for her! Not only is she feeling better, thinking more clearly, speaking more clearly, and retaining more in her short-term memory, but for the first time in years she's able to move her legs and feet! This is more than any of us had anticipated, and after seeing these results, all of her siblings have decided to help raise the $$$ necessary to buy this chamber for her.

Fortunately, most of the $1900 it cost to rent the chamber will go toward the purchase. Unfortunately, the total cost of the chamber is nearly $10,000!! and that's for a used one!

But, we're all making efforts in our own ways to help raise the money, and one of my ways is making and selling my nursing aprons. I designed this apron about 2.5 years ago when one of my dear friends, Kristin, mentioned that she'd like something with a little more "coverage" than the rectangular ones she'd seen. So, that's just what i did, and--if i do say so myself--they're awesome! I've made about 7 or 8 of them, and all of my friends/family who own one have loved it! (and should probably leave a comment stating such)

I only have time to make six of these between now and Dec 1, and i've already received 4 orders. So, i've got room in my lil' schedule for 2 more. You pick the fabric. You pick the trim (optional). I do the rest....except the nursing--you do that, too.

cost-$40
trim-$5

ALSO....i've got some Papa Murphy's coupon cards that I'm selling for $10 a piece. they have 8 coupon stickers on the back, and one of them is a buy-one-get-one--you get your money's worth right there!! Their take'n'bake pizzas are the best out there! (and seriously, even if you're a meat-lover, you gotta try their gourment veggie...yummmm)

ALSO....my sister-in-law was in town last weekend and she and I (well, mostly she) crocheted/knitted some really cute hats and lil' flowers that i'm selling for $18/hat and $4/flower. Here's a photo of three of the hats. I could make these in just about any color and any size...

ALSO...Reid and I hosted our very first Poker night last weekend--we played with the donations, which all went to Cynthia. I have insanely generous friends who brought us $220 closer to our goal. And we had so much fun doing it!! If anyone in the Denver area is reading this and thinking how much they'd LOVE a night of guilt-free poker, just lemme know! we'd gladly do it again...even though it was proven very early on in the night that Reid and I's gots no pokah skills...

the "winners" table

And the "winner!!"

(it should be noted that she arrived that night not knowing a "shovel" from a "clover" and had never heard of a full-house or flush. It was awesome watching her clean house!!!!)

ALSO....my sister, Julia, has designed this amazingly cute Christmas card and is selling them for $6/piece--lemme know if you want to order some!

(trees are on the front, the message is on the inside)

Until recently I kinda thought that everyone loved this kinda thing--since, you know, I do! But, after talking with more people, i'm realizing that some people hate it. It makes them feel weird, or uncomfortable or guilty--and they just wish all fund-raising would disappear. If you are one of those people, I am sorry to have added to that--and please don't feel bad if you just ignore this post and go on to the next interesting thing in your Google Reader!

If, however, you are in need of a cute winter hat for a gift for your niece, a free pizza, greeting cards, or a nursing apron for a friend, and you don't feel weird buying any of those from me in this fund-raising effort, then just please leave me a comment and let me know what you want and when ya want it!

San Diego photos

2010-11-16T20:20:00.000-08:00

Oh, how i love these lovelies...

We had so much fun on our little get-a-way. As usual, Reid was completely willing to stay with the girls (and, as usual, managed to take them swimming, to the park, library, zoo, etc AND keep the house clean, do the laundry, read to them, play games....no wonder they love having him around!)

We (well, not me, but they) decided it'd be funny to have random photos of us jumping off of things. I am, apparently, not a jumper. This first one is, if i may say so, my best jump. My friends, however, have been practicing this sort of jumping for years. I mean, look at them! And then look at me!!

I am not even off the ground yet, and two of them are flying out of the photo!! At least Kristin is with me in lots of these :)

These photos don't really do much justice to how fun and care-free and crazy the whole trip was....but i'm a bit embarrassed to post the photos that do :)

Thank you, ladies, for such a great weekend. I love you all!!!

San Diego and Hollywood

2010-10-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

San Diego was amazing. I love my girlfriends. I loved every second of my time away. And I've loved being back. I love that Grace spent 2 whole days believing that the star fish i gave her was alive. (she asked if it was real and i said yes....didn't realize that to her real = alive..). She has since figured it out...i think... Eliza was not only disinterested in me upon my return, but she CRIED when i tried to give her a hug. I think Abby must have sensed my sadness, 'cuase she has told me at least 8 times "i missed you so much when you were gone." I have no photos to share yet...but hopefully will soon.

I didn't get to see my brother Kevin while I was there. He's in L.A. and we had a pretty tightly packed schedule. But i don't feel so bad 'cause i get to see him tomorrow (wed)--ON T.V.!!!!!!!
He's going to be on Law and Order: Los Angeles. He plays an attorney named Robert Schuler, and he'll be in acts 3 and 4. He's tall, dark and handsy--you won't miss him!. Check him out on IMDB so you'll recognize him.

2010-10-13T12:15:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned how much I like watching these two together?

Almost as much as i like watching these two.

Eliza is seriously obsessed with her dad. Most days she's pretty calm about her daddy-obsession. But if you catch her on a bad day--she's a wreck over him! She gets all girly and emotional if he doesn't pay just the right amount of attention to her. And if he dares spend time with her sisters when she feels he should be with her, she throws herself on the ground, and cries and cries. It's actually kind of cute. And when we (or he) leave town, or Reid works late and she doesn't see him for a couple days, his return renders her emotionally unhinged. Also kind of cute.

On a different note, I am leaving tonight for a little 3-day mommy get-a-way. We're going to CA...and I honestly don't think San Diego is gonna know what hit it. I'm really excited about the trip. But i'm also surprised at how sad I am to leave my lil' family. Things have been much better at our house lately. (thank you, again, for your advice and prayers!) And i'm enjoying all of these people so much, i don't really need a break from them right now! Shoulda planned this trip for a few weeks ago....really coulda used it then. But it's going to be great, and refreshing. And Reid will have yet another chance put to practice his mad stay-at-home-dad skills. I'm so glad that he's so good at it. It gives me just one less thing to worry about....since i come up with plenty of things to worry about all on my own.

And we shall see, upon my return, if Eliza melts into a puddle of anguish and despair as she realizes how much she desperately missed me.

I kinda doubt it.

For all my fellow Coloradoans...

2010-10-05T19:54:00.001-07:00

Tonight Grace was playing pretend at the dinner table. I didn't hear the first part, but tuned in just in time to hear that the "princess in distress" was indeed the daughter of the royal King Sooper.

I almost wet my pants.

2010-09-15T15:08:00.000-07:00

What did we do for the three weeks that Grace "tracked off" of school? (that's me trying to use year-round school lingo...)

We spent every single day of her break visiting grandparents. It was a loooooong vacation, but it was great. (and sadly, although my camera was out constantly at Reid's parents..I only busted it out twice at mine... I hate when i do that.)

In Wyoming:

We built sand castles....

Check out that sandbox that Reid's dad built!!

We fed the horsies...

We rode the horsies

I know that props should go to my girls for being brave enough to do this...but could I get a little pat on the back, too? That horse could have eaten Eliza!

We swam. We swung (swinged?swang?). We played

We jumped on the neighbors trampoline.

And we bribed the girls into posing and being happy for a few minutes...in hopes of getting one awesome picture. Eliza's still not quite ready for full-fledged bribing, so she was the hardest one to work with. But they still turned out pretty cute (although i wish i could go back and take out abby's not-so-little flower...)

Reid's family is awesome. Hanging out with them is always a good time. We loved every relaxing, sun-soaking, camp-fire cooking moment with them!

Heading to Provo was hard. It was the first time going there knowing I wouldn't see my mom. I don't know how, but I miss my mom more now than ever. I guess it's getting easier in some ways, too, but not in the 'missing' department. I miss her lots, and it sucked pulling up to the house and knowing she was not there. I found myself talking to her several times while I was there. She is everywhere in that house. Which is wonderful and hard.

So we kept busy. We spent just about every free second at cabinet shops, granite yards, flooring showrooms or Lowes. My parents' kitchen has needed a little updating for 3 decades now, and my dad finally decided to do it! I was more than happy to swindle deals and find the best price on everything for him :) The remodel won't take place for a few more weeks, so there are no before-after pictures yet. But we did remove all the (25 year old!) wallpaper in the dining area.

the top picture is the "before" and the others are "during." My dad's still working on
some of the glue left on the wall, so no "after" picture yet.

I had two wonderful friend "reunions". I love getting together with my life-long bff's (and i'm pretty sure we all secretly believe that we invented that term). We had so much fun, i couldn't stop smiling for days. I know i've said this before, but I really have some amazing friends. And sadly i don't have the picture that Grace took of all of us--it's on one of their cameras (hint hint, to whichever of you has that photo!). Grace captured us from our chins down. It's awesome.

Both my niece and Reid's sister started their freshmen year at BYU. It was awesome being in Provo while they were there, and getting settled in. But going to their dorms and meeting all their roomies made me feel ooooold. Not that 32 is old. cause it's not. But I just kept thinking that surely I was sooooo much older than they are when I was a freshman. And thinking like that--well, that makes me feel old! I'm so happy for them, though. They're both loving college life already. And i love that they can (and have!) head over to my Dad's for quick visits anytime.

Eliza turned TWO while we were in UT. She is changing so much, even I am seeing it--and constantly shocked by it. She has turned into this sweet, adorable, funny, clever and chatty little girl. I am loving this phase she's at! I think I was too overwhelmed and tired to enjoy Grace or Abby at this age. So i'm just soaking in every sweet thing Eliza says and does--cause it turns out that 2 year olds are actually REALLY fun when they don't have a baby sister stressing mom out all day :)

She still gets a little shy when she's around new people. Or when a group of people start singing Happy Birthday to her. Like in this photo. She was happy at the first of the song until she realized we were all singing to her...then she put on her shy face.

We didn't do a party or anything, but I don't think she noticed. My dad picked some plums from his tree and made the best homemade ice cream I've ever had! She had 3 servings. I'm pretty sure that's better than anything i could have bought for her. She LOVES fruit, and she LOVES ice cream. She must be related to me and Reid!

We drove back home on Labor Day. Which left us with one day to unpack, etc, before Grace "tracked on" and Abby started preschool!

Abby on her first day of 2 mornings/week preschool

One day at home was MORE than enough. My girls have been fighting so much lately, and we've all been having frequent battles with one of them in particular. So, i welcomed the start of school with open arms. Abby's in the mornings, Grace is in the afternoon. And keeping them apart as much as possible seems to be key to keeping the peace in our home. Nothing makes me happier than when they get along. Nothing drives me crazier than when they fight.

Eliza's in a little "joy school" with a few friends. It started today, at my house. There were seven 2 year olds here for two hours. It was actually not as bad as I'd anticipated, especially 'cause i don't have to do it again until the end of October :)

We're staying put for a while now. Three+ weeks away from home is a long time. It was awesome to be with family. And it's good to be back

And now we're off to parent-teacher conferences--our very first one!!

Sisters

2010-09-08T20:28:00.000-07:00

Julia, Melanie and I had an absolutely wonderful trip to Indiana to visit our sister, Cynthia. The last time we were all together was in 1998!! So, i'm really glad we finally got our butts in gear and got out there!!

We had quite the list of objectives going into this trip. Mostly, we wanted to do things that could lift a small bit of the load that Tom carries, and uplift our sister, whose life is ruled by her Multiple Sclerosis. And although we didn't actually have a list before going there, these were the things we discussed, planned, and hoped to get done while there:

1. Spend as much time as possible visiting with our sister, Cynthia, and her hubby, Tom.
2. Empty out the abundant boxes in, and put back together, their guest room and study.
3. Clean out the garage, which also acts as Tom's guitar workshop, and their only "storage" in the house.
4. Have a garage sale in order to a) raise funds for a hyperbaric oxygen chamber for Cynthia, and b) help them de-clutter!
5. Survive the cats. All six of them. By "survive" i mean not let my asthma get so bad that I have to go to the E.R., or our eyeballs get so swollen that we can't see.
6. Cook and freeze 35 meals for T & C to eat throughout the school year (7 different recipes to make 35 meals) and organize their kitchen cupboards.
7. Photograph the FOUR new guitars Tom has handcrafted this summer!! (thank heavens he has a hobby he enjoys this much!!!)
8. Visit Lake Monroe, a lake near their house that they go to as often as they can and that Cynthia's been raving about since they discovered it a few years back.
9. Play games with Tom and Cynthia--specifically Trivial Pursuit....which my sisters and I ALWAYS lose, yet keep coming back for more.
10. Have a Memorial Service for our mom--something for Cynthia to participate in, a chance for her to sign the guestbook, hear the hymn we sang (the one my mom composed that all her children sang at the close of her funeral), read some of my mom's poems, and have an experience together that could help fill the void that Cynthia feels from missing our mom's funeral.

Now, Cynthia's aides, friends and husband didn't think we could do it all. But you know what?

We did.

All of it.

We were amazing. I could try to be modest and say that we just did what any sisters would have done....buuuuuuuuut...

Nah.

We were amazing.

Recap:
1. We enjoyed every minute of visit-time with Cynthia that we could. Her M.S. makes it difficult for long visits, but we had enough work to do when she was unable to visit--it actually worked out really well.
2. We cleaned and organized and de-boxed more books and stuff than you could imagine. They had a small house-fire before Christmas. The insurance company basically dumped all their belongings into these two rooms... and since "free-time" doesn't exist in Tom's life these rooms were full of random parts of furniture and 100's of boxes (mostly full of books) stacked to the ceiling. PLUS there was cat hair on every single surface. And of course there was cat dander in the cat hair. No amount of clariton was gonna keep our allergies at bay. But i suppose it helped some.... Of course i didn't get a SINGLE before picture!!! And the after one isn't great since the only 4 remaining boxes in the entire house are in this picture. But please use your imagination... and tell us, next time you see any of us, how awesome we are.

3. Tackling the garage on Day 2 was way easier than the bedrooms on Day 1. I think we'd all take saw-dust and spider webs over cat-dust and hair! And it was fun to help make Tom's workspace a little more workable! Again, no pics!
4. The garage sale was a huge success! We got tons of donations from neighbors and church friends, we met the most interesting people and have some great stories from it. We got rid of almost all the stuff, and raised over $600 for T and C!! The local bagel co. donated their bagels, we sold bottled water, handmade hairbows and we had AMAZING weather--not humid, not rainy, not hot--just awesome. It turns out that it's a huge pain to get ready for a garage sale, and i've vowed NEVER to do one again....but this one was worth every minute!!
5. The cats were....catty. Day 1 just about did us all in. But after that, I think that all three of us found our allergies weren't as bad as we'd anticipated, and for the most part, the cats left Melanie and me alone...although they loved Julia :) Is it just a coincidence that she disliked them the most out of all of us? probably....
6. Chimichangas, lentil soup, Veggie burgers, minestrone and more--all frozen, all awaiting those busy evenings when Tom doesn't have a minute to cook. I'm so glad that this objective actually happened. And while Melanie cooked, I photographed instruments, and Julia tackled the cupboards. We were amazing.
7. Just look at these guitars!!! Seriously. Tom makes these! from flat pieces of wood!!! it honestly blows my mind, it really does. And they sound absolutely AMAZING, too.

Guitar #1

Guitar #2Guitar #3

Guitar #4
If you know anyone who would love an amazing handmade guitar for Christmas, a birthday, or just 'cause...be sure to let Tom know!

8. The time we spent at Lake Monroe was actually the highlight of the trip for me. It was the most peaceful time of our 5 days there. The Multiple Sclerosis that rules their life, that is a part of everything they do, just disappeared at the lake. It was just us. It was a miracle that Cynthia had the energy to get out of the house, and last for so long there! We watched boats and boaters and talked and listened to waves. No M.S. No worries. No cats. No objectives. It was a beautiful moment--the kind you thank God for because it so easily could not have happened. And i brought the girls back some awesome souvenirs from this lake--a bunch of geodes to crack open! My girls LOVED them (as any Princess and the Pauper fan would!)

9. Tom and Cynthia are the King and Queen of Trivial Pursuit. You'd think it wouldn't be fun to play with them...but it is. In fact, they're my favorite people to play with...and not just 'cause the game goes by so quickly :) And this time we actually got a few wedges of our own!
10. The memorial for our mom was nice. It was cut short, so some things were left out. But we had time to read some poems and talk about our mom--all the ways we're like her, the ways we're not, and all the things we miss about her. Our brief little memorial could never make up for the fact that Cynthia missed the funeral, and didn't get to say goodbye to my mom in person. But it was something. And it always feels good to do something.

The whole trip went by so fast. I barely had time to miss my hubby or my girls. It's nice being at a place in life where I can leave them and do something like this.

Thanks, babe, for letting me have a little sister-time.

And thanks, sisters, for a wonderful weekend!!!

Why, yes, i DID make these dresses, thankyouverymuch

2010-08-06T21:14:00.000-07:00

i bought these two skirts on clearance for $.47 each
and turned them into these, is less than an hour.

This is my idea of sewing

How does my garden grow?

2010-08-05T21:25:00.000-07:00

I've been calling a small and shaded area of dirt my "garden" for the past four years. And because of my love of the landscaping and terracing in our backyard, I've just lived without a real garden.

But this year that all changed. All thanks to my father-in-law. The man is the most hard-working human i've ever known. And when he comes to visit he gets things done that Reid and I have put off doing for months (or sometimes years!) He calls us weeks in advance to get us thinking about what we want him to work on while he's here. And after a few meager attempts of "oh, Mike, i just want you to relax" i usually come up with a decent-sized list of to-do's. This trip the to-do was these garden boxes.

His trip out here in April was part of an entire Allred family gathering we hosted. It was so fun to have everyone here in our cozy little house. We fit. Barely, but we fit. My girls had a blast playing with their cousins, Reid and I had a blast visiting with family. And Mike--well, between games of "Princesses and the Bad Prince" and walking around with Gabe in his arms, he built five awesome raised-bed garden boxes. These boxes meant digging up and transplanting some rose bushes. They meant a slightly less beautiful backyard.

But you know what else they meant?

The world to me. Seriously. This was early April. My mom had only a few weeks left. I was in constant heart-ache and denial, watching life slip out of my mom, and there was nothing I could do about. And I needed a place where I could make things live. Where everything was in my control. Where "nature's course" wasn't my worst enemy.

That's exactly what this garden was for me. It gave me something to do and to focus on in the times i was back here in Denver, between trips to Provo. And you can ask Reid--it was all-consuming. I researched EVERYTHING you can imagine. I chose square-foot gardening, and planned and mapped each box out, with several rough drafts. I learned which plants thrive well next to which plants, and figured out when i could plant what, which ones to start from seed, which ones to buy. I mean, i was obsessing over this garden. It was a coping technique. And it worked well.

After the funeral and everything, I came home to copious amount of spinach in two of the beds. This made me happier than any other single thing could have. We ate spinach in and on everything. The girls thought it was the coolest thing ever, which only added to my state of bliss. (It still does, in fact. Watching them enjoy the garden has been a huge added bonus that I somehow hadn't anticipated.)

I've been dreaming of a real garden since i-don't-know-when. So, really i don't know how I didn't convince myself 4 years ago to make this change. But I'm glad I didn't. This garden has been my happy-place all summer. The newness of it is a big role in that. And, i kid you not, I sit on my deck and stare at it. Often. The way you do the ocean. And it amazes me, the same way the never-ending water does.

And although the #$%@ bunnies had their way with our beets and strawberries, they were kind enough to leave us our snap peas, lettuces, some kale, tomatoes, more tomatoes, zucchini, pumpkins, squash, carrots, peppers, basil and the satisfaction of watching tiny seeds turn into exactly what they claimed they would!!

And here's a photo i just found--it's the closest I've got to a "before" picture, with the rose bushes that we transplanted behind the girls. And you know what? After looking at the lush, beautiful garden above, i miss these roses even less.

We all love Kindergarten

2010-08-05T13:59:00.000-07:00

Grace is loving Kindergarten. And Kindergarten is loving Grace. The two are getting along so swimmingly, in fact, that at times i start to feel a bit left out. I see other kids who still cry when their moms drop them off, and I sometimes wish that Grace would shed a tear or two for my sake. But, (fortunately, i suppose) she does not cry. She runs ahead of us (or leaps out of the van, depending on whether we're having a walking or driving day) and gets right in line with the other kids--without looking back. When we finally catch up to her, she still lets me give her a kiss (in front of all her friends!), and she still gives Abby and Eliza a hug. Then she goes inside the classroom, without looking back.

We come back home, and Eliza and Abby play together for 30-45 minutes (which i LOVE). Then Eliza naps and Abby and I have time to read, have piano lessons, or do puzzles and games (which i LOVE, since Grace isn't really into either and i'm a big puzzle/game fan), and then Abby heads down to the basement to play by herself (which i LOOOOVE). Abby had a hard time the first few days, but has adapted REALLY well. I think she actually enjoys being the "boss" sometimes...even if there is no one down there to boss around.

And I am left with a few minutes all to myself. It's really quite lovely, if I may confess. I've worked on some projects, done P90-X (minus the 90 part...let's call it p8-x for now), read a couple of books, occasionally do a bit of housework, and i sometimes even take a nap! The TV is not on. Neighborhood kids are not over. All in all, this little change has done good things for everyone involved.

Grace is learning to read at school -- and loving it. I'd considered taking it upon myself to teach her to read a few months ago, to "give her the edge" at school--but ultimately didn't feel right about it. And i'm SOOO glad I didn't. Not just because she and I don't really have a great teacher/student relationship, but because she is learning to learn!! She's enjoying her homework, she's mastering her "sight words" and feeling the satisfaction of progress and accomplishment.

But my favorite change? my favorite part of all of this? it's waiting out on my lawn for Grace to come home. She runs down the street, I scoop her up, and she gives me the world's biggest hug (the one you might expect from a child who does cry when her mom drops her off) and I carry her into our house. She runs to the bathroom to wash her hands (because she's a bit neurotic about hand washing...no idea why... :), comes and sits on my lap, and tells me whatever little bits of her day she wants to talk about.

In fact, she's coming home right now. I've been instructed today (by Miss Grace, herself) to meet her half way up the street, so I better go!

i cried today...

2010-07-08T13:03:00.000-07:00

...as I finished sewing Grace's dress that my mom started months ago--the dress i'd worked on by my mom's bedside several nights, and the dress i've been putting off working on for fear that it would be too hard. It was. In every way. It didn't help that I still don't know how to work my mom's sewing machine, so I went to call her about 3 times, each time feeling like a new reminder that i can't. At least the dress turned out pretty cute.

I cried today as I hugged good-bye one of my dearest friends. Gillian and her family are moving too many states away. She and I have known each other since our oldest girls were about 15 months old. I used Grace as an excuse to invite myself over to her house 4 years ago, when truthfully i just thought she seemed pretty awesome and i wanted her to be my friend...and it worked! thanks, Gillian, for being the kind of friend I needed, and the kind of friend we ALL feel so lucky to have. You will be missed more than you know. I love you.

And I cried today as I hugged Grace outside of her Kindergarten classroom. She gave me a good, long hug. And then she turned and skipped into the classroom, holding hands with one of the girls she met at orientation the other day. She didn't even look back. I really, really wanted her to look back. Abby held on to my leg and said, right after Grace walked in the door, "mom, i really miss Gracie." She has no idea what she's in for. Eliza didn't really get what was going on until we started driving away, at which point she started screaming, pointing at Grace's empty carseat, "Gracie, Gracie"--and at this point my crying turned to sobbing. I tried to explain to her that Gracie would be back in just a few hours and that she was only gone for a little bit, but my words of comfort provided zero comfort--for either of us.

I don't love goodbyes, but they seem to be lovin' me.

10 Things keeping me from updating my blog

2010-06-27T18:40:00.000-07:00

10. Going to the Red Sox vs Rockies game with some of our Boston buddies. (i had a hard time choosing which team to cheer for...so i cheered for both)

9. Teaching piano lessons to Grace and Abby--they both really love their daily lessons, especially Abby, and I love the memories it brings back of the days when I used to enjoy lessons from my mom (that only lasted for 5-6 years, until my social life moved up to position #1 on my little pre-teen priority list, and piano lessons became a total draaaagg)

8. Spending evenings with just Reid and Eliza while Abby and Grace were at Vacation Bible School last week. 5pm-9pm without Grace and Abby? Eliza was in heaven. Reid and I enjoyed the quiet sounds of summer nights. And the girls had the time of their lives.

7. Getting rid of the evil (and not at ALL cute) bunnies that ate my kale, swiss chard, beets, carrots and spring lettuces. Traps didn't work. Coyote urine didn't appeal. Fake Snakes creeped me out. Having the Boy Scouts remove 5 massive junipers (their home) didn't even do the trick. So, I left it in Reid's capable hands...and there hasn't been a bunny in my yard since Tuesday afternoon. (if you want to know how he got rid of them, you'll have to ask him...)

6. Park days, pool days, zoo days, stay-at-home-in-pajamas days

5. Checking everyone else's blogs and wondering how I am so lucky to have such awesome friends

4. Planning an all-sisters trip to Indiana later this summer. The four of us sisters haven't all been together since before i left for Chile as a missionary. I'm looking forward to this trip more than i can say.

3. The need to not only water my vegetable garden daily, but to also go out and check on the plants 3-4 times a day. I'm a little obsessed with it...to say the least. I can't believe i haven't dedicated an entire blog post to my new garden....i will....soon

2. Getting ready for Girl's Camp this week (our church's youth camp for all the 12-18 year old girls.) It's in two days. I have a garage full of camping gear, a kitchen full of camping food and a head full of things i'm sure i'm gonna forget. I'm not much of a camper. I love nature, but I don't necessarily love to sleep in it. Yet still, I'm actually surprisingly excited for this week.

1. The Number One thing that's kept me from blogging???? It's not really an event....it's not wanting to write about an upcoming event--my oldest child starting Kindergarten in EIGHT days!!!!!!!!!! I've heard about a hundred other moms say the very thing that keeps crossing my mind: "As soon as your kids get really helpful, and really fun to have around, they ship 'em off to kindergarten." What's up with this???? Why does it work this way? And is there any chance they'd take Eliza, and leave Grace for me? Grace is so helpful--legitimately helpful...as in I ask her to clean up something and she does it. I ask her to help her sisters and she does it. I ask her to get something for me and she does it. When did this start!?!??!?! She even comes up to me about once a day and asks what she can clean!!!

Not to mention that I enjoy just being with her more than ever. We talk all the time about all sorts of things, and I feel like I have a little friend in the house at all times. I don't mean to make it sound like we don't still have our battles...'cause we do. But I feel like I've completely exited the "i have no one to talk to during the day" stage of parenting, and I'm really loving it. And now, for 3 hours each afternoon, she's gonna be gone. I am going to miss her.

And multiply what I'm feeling times a thousand, and that's where Abby's gonna be. Those two are better playmates than ever (so much so that I feel bad for their slightly excluded lil' sister, but that's another post). Abby looks up to Grace so much. I don't have enough imagination or energy to fill Grace's shoes for three hours every afternoon!!! It'll be good for them to have some time apart, though. And Grace is more excited than i would have imagined possible. She's changed so much, and grown-up so much over the past year. Oh, i love having her around...almost enough to consider homeschooling her....almost. I've read many blogs about this very thing over the past few years and I've thought "that will NEVER be me writing about Grace!" And now it's here.

Buena Vista

2010-06-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

Last weekend Reid and I took the girls to Buena Vista--a little mountain town about 2 hours SW of Denver. Actually, let me rephrase that. Reid's firm took us and the girls to Buena Vista. Originally kids were not invited. But when we had to cancel--since we couldn't find a babysitter--they decided to make it a kid-friendly activity--that's how much they LOVE Reid! (or how badly they needed employed attorneys to "welcome" the summer interns)

It actually turned out to be a wonderful family get-a-way. Since we had the girls with us we had a lot of "unscheduled" time --which was great. And, since the activities of the night before had all of us up hours past our bedtimes, we all slept in the first morning there. (I love my children's ability to do that, btw....i'm sure i'll be cursing it someday...but not yet). So, after a lazy morning in our fancy cabin, we lunched at some local burger joint, and then decided to brave the moderately cold rain--we went swimming at the outdoor Hot Springs. It was awesome. I can now never imagine swimming there in nice weather. The contrast of the cold weather and the hot water was so fun. Eliza cried most of the time (she does that anyway) but the rest of us loved it.

After the hot springs we drove 10 miles or so through muddy roads to Iron City Cemetery and St Elmo--Colorado's famous ghost town.

This town is quaint, kind of cute, but most definitely worth it if you (or your little ones) enjoy tiny rodents eating out of your hands. These lil' chipmunks are actually really cute, and feeding them was not only a highlight for the girls...but maybe for me, too. Maybe.

Abby was the first one to feed them. Grace joined in soon after. And even I was able to push aside the tiny voice in my head telling me that these creatures could bite my hands off. But Eliza never did quite get up the nerve to actually open her hands--she held the seeds, but couldn't quite release them. Bravery is, apparently, a recessive gene :)

When Abby bent over, one of the chipmunks climbed up on her back. She got the BIGGEST kick out of it, so she bent over again, and again. It was so cute, and so funny--and I didn't get a picture of it!! If only I'd have know then how much Abby would talk about that experience!!! She mentioned it about 15-20 times in the car on the way back to our cabin. Literally at least fifteen times she said "I can't believe one of the chipmunks climbed on my back!!" By the 14th time Grace (who had been really supportive of Abby's excitement) finally said, in a sweet voice, "Abby, you've said that lots of times. We know you can't believe it. You don't have to keep talking about it." Well, somebody had to say it--I'm glad Grace did.

We spent the evening with the peeps from Reid's firm at a Bar and Grill. Our reservation was for 8pm. We tried to get out of the whole things, but were somehow convinced into coming. Yes. We were THAT couple with kids out of bed and at a restaurant at 10pm!!! And for paybacks? Eliza decided to spurt the contents of her diaper in every which direction. (That poor highchair will never be the same.) At least it gave us an excuse to leave!

The next morning Eliza was actually quite listless and weak--she was hard to wake up, she'd cry for a few moments, and then just fall asleep wherever she was. For a while there we even debated getting her to a hospital. But, after eating a bit of yogurt she perked up enough for us to feel okay heading home. And she was fine ever since--thank heavens. I'm thinking she must have had a little stomach bug or something (which would explain the previous night's explosion?).

It was so fun to get away from here, off on our own, in a beautiful and remote part of Colorado I'd never seen. I think I really needed to have some time to focus on my family, and it was nice to be away from cell-phone service, internet connections, etc.

But being away from home didn't take away any of the pain of missing my mom. Maybe it was bound to happen that weekend anyway, but for whatever reason, my mom's permanent absence in my remaining mortal life felt more real than ever. And I had so many unexpected moments of sorrow--that really spilled over into this whole week. But it was healing, too, to be surrounded by gigantic mountains, endless cascading rivers, and green, lush countryside--all things that remind me how small the now is in the grand scheme of things.

2010-06-14T21:22:00.000-07:00

I have much to say about my mom's funeral. But not tonight. Not right now.

I need to post these pictures right now, because they're sitting on my computer, preventing my silly mind from being able to blog about anything else...but i'll have to come back and visit this post some other night--to write about all the beautiful things that we experienced that day, the angels that carried us, and the outpouring of love my family felt.

I'm a bit too drained right now to say anything more. For some reason, it's been a really hard few days. I guess that's how this will go for a while.

Thoughts

2010-06-08T21:34:00.000-07:00

It's been three weeks since my mom died. It feels like that day was sometime last fall. It seems impossible that everything that's happened--everything I've felt, witnessed, experienced, learned and cried over--could have possibly taken place in just 21 short days.

I feel like nothing i write could ever do justice to the extent of sorrow, the ups and downs of emotions, the outpouring of love, and the abundance of peace we've all felt over the past weeks and months. But, as I've been going through my mom's poetry, short stories, journals and little notes she's written over the past 45+ years, I'm learning that ANYTHING that's written down has more value than you might imagine. And so, although i have neither the time nor the energy to organize my thoughts right now, i'm going to write them down. Three weeks is too long to have put this off. And i doubt i'll even post about the funeral tonight--which was beautiful--or any of the other MANY things i need to write about. Tonight is just for spilling out some thoughts...

One thing i've been extremely aware of lately is that I haven't been nearly as sympathetic as i could have and should have been in the past when those around me have suffered similar losses. I've even found myself briefly resentful toward my peers who are sad to see their grandparents die--only because mine were all gone by age 11--and how could they possibly be sad when they got to have grandparents into adulthood?? I've found myself silently cynical towards people in their 50's and 60's who talk about the sorrow of losing a parent-- how dare they feel sorrow when they got to have their mom or dad around for their kids' weddings?!?!? These usually dormant feelings of resentment and anger have made a strong debut in my emotions these past weeks. And, as i guess could be expected, I've spent quite a bit of time in the "angry" stage. But I feel that this stage is passing. For whatever reason, it's taken me a while to recognize that no matter what the circumstances--losing a parent is always going to be hard. And everyone suffers from the same sorrows (albeit in different ways). There is no "comparing" sorrow--and this is a lesson i've needed to learn. And, along these same lines, I'm learning that being mad at the people around me who still have what i no longer do, will only hurt my heart--not heal it. I'm ashamed that this is even something i've had to learn.

In contrast to the anger i've felt, there has been an equally strong feeling of love, peace, gratitude and acceptance in my heart. And lately(unless I'm alone) these are the feelings that tend to make their way to the surface most often. These positive feelings that come with this experience could quite easily be ignored or rejected. There are many times, in fact, when i choose not to accept them--sometimes it feels easier to ignore them. I'm reminded often of something my sister said a couple of months ago--that "feeling peace is a choice." And I'm glad to have that reminder--it makes me feel like i have some control in an otherwise out-of-my-control situation--and I need that.

I've been aware of something else that happens when a person dies--and i'm sure many of you have experienced this. I wish that it could happen before we die--because it would truly make the world a better place. For some reason it seems that the moment a person dies, all of their weaknesses, any of the things about them that used to drive you crazy--just disappear. And i truly mean disappear--as in--I can't even remember an instance in which my mom did anything to drive me crazy. I mean, i know that such instances existed, because i can remember hanging up the phone and complaining to Reid about this or that, or yelling something like "mom, you drive me crazy!" But i can't remember what it was that drove me crazy.

And all of my mom's strengths--all the wonderful things she was, and taught me and did for me--they're all magnified ten-fold now. Not just magnified, but maybe even exaggerated. For example, i know that i dreaded piano lessons from my mom. i know i did. But right now as i recall sitting down with her for those lessons, in my mind's eye there are butterflies floating around in the strawberry-scented air. Her hair has golden ribbons and white flowers in it, and we're giggling like little girls at a misplayed chord. . . . Okay, that's a slight exaggeration, but the fact remains that everything she wanted or needed to change about herself no longer exists to me. And everything she was great at, or even sort of great at, is now the strongest part of my memory of her. Why must a person die for this to happen? I don't know. Maybe it's because we humans have a seemingly unchangeable need to embrace the faults of those around us. Or maybe it's a coping mechanism. Or maybe God allows us in these difficult moments to start seeing what He's been seeing all along, as a part of His abundant and everflowing grace. Whatever it is--I like it. I like that nothing but sweet and happy memories fill the part of my mind that my mom will forever occupy.

I miss my mom. I miss her more each day, actually, which is surprising to me. But I'm okay, too. It sucks that my mom died. It really does. And everyone i talk to who's been through this usually takes those exact words out of my mouth. But there is so much living to do, too.

My sweet girls have been such a happy place for my siblings, my dad and for me. What would we all do without them?!?! At least 3-5 times a day Grace or Abby come up and give me a hug and say, "Mom, i'm still sad about Grandma" or, "Mom, i really miss Grandma." It is so nice to have people around me to mourn with. And although i don't know that Abby gets what she's saying (she does just about everything Grace does), her hugs, along with Grace's, help more than they will ever know.

I didn't know, 23 days ago when my sister called to tell me that my mom only had 1-2 days left, if I should hop in the car and try to get there in time to say goodbye, knowing that my mom was mostly comatose, or if I should wait here until arrangements for the funeral were final. Grace's preschool graduation was five days away, and for whatever reason it absolutely tore me up inside to think about taking her away from it. It seems silly now, it really does. But it was so important to me in the moment. And i didn't know if i needed to be there for the moment my mom actually passed. I'd spent so much time with her, and had so much closure--did i really need to drive back in a mad rush to be by her bedside for her last breaths?

The answer was yes. I don't know how to describe what happened inside of me, but about 4 minutes after getting that call i felt inexplicably compelled to throw my family and all our belongings (okay, it wasn't all, but it kinda looked like it) into our van and get to my mom's side. Reid was the voice of reason and thought it would be best if one of us (him) get a good nights' rest before making that trek. I slept one hour that night. Reid woke us up early and drove most of the way there!! My heart and eyelids were both too heavy to operate a vehicle--what would i have done without him?!?!

The drive only took 7 hours--a record. But it was the longest drive of my life. The thought of getting there too late started to hurt so much. What was i afraid of missing? What more did I need to say or experience? Why did i need this so much? Why did I plow over my welcoming crew the moment we pulled up to my parents' house in a mad rush my mom's bedside?

The nurse said she was in a coma. And maybe she was. But when I held her hand and said "mom, it's me, Emily. I love you so much" I knew that she was hearing me. She knew I was there. Still with her hand in mine i said, "Mom, if you can hear me and know i'm here squeeze my hand." One second passed. Two seconds passed. Three seconds passed. And somehow she mustered up the mental and physical energy to give my hand an unmistakable squeeze.

That was what i'd needed. That was what had so strongly compelled me drop everything and rush home to her. I needed my mom. I needed to have one last interaction with her. In a most selfish way, i needed her to expend all that she had left, to give me this final moment of being together. And in her typical selfless fashion, she took care of me when I needed her.

The next 14 hours until she passed were filled with moments too personal and too sacred to share on this blog. But I will say this--that just as when when a life is brought into this world, when a life is taken from this world, there are angels attending, there is an abundance of love to be felt, and there is no denying the Greater Plan of which we are all a small part.

In Loving Memory...

2010-05-18T09:23:00.000-07:00

My sweet mom passed away this morning, just before 4:30. Five of her children and her husband were by her side. It was beautiful and sorrowful and a moment I will forever be grateful I had to share with her.

My dad has written this wonderful obituary to be published in our local paper.

Our beloved Kathryn Elaine Robbins Ashworth, fiercely devoted mother, loving grandmother, and marvelous wife passed away May 18, 2010 of cancer. Kathryn, the oldest of six children and daughter of Claude and Elaine Robbins, was born in Moab, Utah on May 6, 1942. Her growing-up years were spent in Blanding, Provo, Ogden and Logan.

She graduated in French from BYU, as part of the first class of the Honors Program, and returned years later to earn a Master’s degree in Spanish literature. A strong, bright, creative and multi-talented woman, she published poetry in various journals, won prizes for her poems, composed hymns, co-authored (with her mother) foreign-language text books, and taught piano for over forty years. She was an excellent musician, often playing the piano and organ for different church organizations and conducting ward choirs. She passed on to her seven children her love for music.

In addition to her creative nature, she was a compassionate, non-judgmental and generous person, a faithful and active member of her church, and she possessed a great sense of humor.
She married Peter P. Ashworth in the Logan Temple on June 11, 1962, and is survived by her husband, seven children: Cynthia, Kevin, Melanie, Julia, Nathan, Emily and Jared, and her siblings: Mary Anne Olsen, Linda Hansen, Edward Robbins and Richard Robbins. Her brother Carl Claude Robbins preceded her in death. Her grandchildren are Jessica, Anthony, Hannah and Benjamin Swenson, and Grace, Abigail and Eliza Allred.

Funeral Services will be held in the Edgemont 6th Ward Chapel at 4000 N. 650 E. (Timpview Drive) on Friday, May 21st, at 11:00 a.m. There will be a viewing on Thursday evening between 7:00 and 9:00 p.m. and on the morning of the funeral between 10:00 and 10:45 a.m. at the same location. The family asks that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to the Humanitarian fund of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The family wishes to express its love and thanks to the hospice nurses, doctor and aides, and to the friends and relatives who gave such loving care to our dear mother and wife in her last days.

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-10T21:01:00.000-07:00

I've been back for a week now, after a three-week stay in Utah with my mom and my dad. It was wonderful to be there again. I'd been running low in the Peace and Comfort department, but the moment I arrived it was like a sudden refill. There is so much love between my mom and dad, it fills the room and everyone can feel it. Their love is built on 48 years of service and forgiveness, compassion and friendship, blessings and hardships. And it's beautiful.

Although my mom's too weak to speak much, in the moments that she's awake, she's almost always smiling. Even if her eyelids are too heavy to lift, she still smiles. Especially for my dad. She lights up for him like you just can't imagine. I mentioned this to my aunt and she said "yes, theirs always was quite the romance." And it still is. He reads poems to her, tells her about the weather, their friends, his day, or meals he's working on. His hearing is too bad to really hear much of what her quiet voice says in return. But he doesn't seem to need to hear it. He sees her smiling, and knows that she loves him. It's beautiful. It's the sweetest part of all of this. We all agree on that.

Being able to care for my mom has been a privilege I will forever be grateful for. I'm so glad that I've been able to be there as much as I have. All the small choices and happenings that have gotten my little family where we are today no longer can pass as coincidences. I feel so sure that God has done everything in His power to make this all possible. Reid and I considered setting up camp in the northwest, or even the east coast. But we chose Denver--a quick 7+hour drive from home. And if you recall, lil' miss Eliza was not "supposed" to be making her big debut until this spring--like right now--early May. I've thought about that one a lot. If things had gone according to my plan, I'd be just recovering from childbirth, and I wouldn't have been able to take care of my mom these past weeks. And my mom wouldn't have known my sweet (and sassy!) little toddler. Every day that we were there Eliza ran back to Grandma's room to see her, and I'd scoop her up so she could waive to Grandma. And after a few days, she started saying "wuv you, gammaw" without any promptings on my part. I can only imagine how much those little interactions mean to my mom. She's too weak to say much, but I see her eyes light up when Eliza's around. Thank Heavens things don't always go according to my plan.

Even after all that we've been through the past weeks, there's still so much about cancer that I don't understand. I guess it takes a different course in every body. The course it's taking in my mom seems to be the fast-track. At the end of March, just 7 weeks ago, she was tired lots, and rested lots, but she still joined us for dinner, for visits on the porch and conversations in the front room.

But that stage has passed. She is now completely bed-bound and has been for 4+ weeks. Some days she thinks she's up for a ride in the wheelchair, but her body disagrees. And, to simplify things a bit for us caretakers, she's now in a hospital bed. And although i know she would have rather stayed in her bed, she's never, ever, ever complained about it--or about anything, really. I mean, even when her nausea is uncontrollable, she still says she's fine. She is sweetest person that the Hospice care-takers have ever seen. They've said that, and I believe them. She does everything she can (sometimes too much) to make this easy on her care-takers. Yet another trait i admire in her.

There was one weekend in April when 6 of her 7 kids were in town, and all her grandkids. We only overlapped for less than a day, and she was exhausted much of the time. But we found a moment to gather and sing to her. We sang a hymn that she composed years ago--before I was even born. (It's beautiful. I'd never heard it before, but now it runs through my head all the time. Someday I'll post it here on this blog. It really is amazing.) And after the hymn we all gathered in her room for a beautiful family prayer offered by my dad. His faith strengthens us all. It's nearly impossible to not feel peace when we talk to or are with our dad. It was wonderful being gathered in her room and knowing that we'll be with our mom again.

In this collage there's a photo of each of her kids with her--my sister, cynthia, who can't travel, is on the computer skyping with my mom.

Grace was so sweet about having her birthday there. Truthfully, i don't think it ever even crossed her mind. She was more excited about finally being five than anything else. I, of course, was worried that she'd be sad that she was away from friends and her dad, so i made sure we celebrated it lots. She got two cakes--one that we had when her cousins were in town for the weekend, and cupcakes we had at the little party with some neighborhood friends she'd made the week earlier.

And I went to the thrift store and bought her a few books and a new doll. I had to buy one for Abby, too, since there was one with her hair and eye color as well. It was the best $2 spent. Grace opened up her doll in Grandma's room, and said "Wow, Mom!! is it an American Doll???" and...since i really have no idea what an American Doll is, and I don't think she does either, I just said "yeah, honey, i think it is." I mean, it could've been, right? (we've since learned that it was made in China, so i guess it isn't? she and Abby still love their dolls immensely, still call them American Dolls..and I think i just saved myself a lot of money :) Grace was so grateful for the few gifts she got...so I just decided to put away the things i'd left here in Denver, and save them for Christmas.

The weather was great most of the time we were there. The girls spent 4-6 hours most days riding around on their scooters and tricycle. My parents' neighborhood is the safest-feeling place in the world to me--probably because i grew up there--so i had no problem letting them run around outside while I took care of my mom. I mean, I'd check on them often enough, but letting them play like that would never happen anywhere else. I'm glad it could happen there, though. It needed to be that way. I'm also grateful for cousins who came to visit on the weekends, and Tom and Jana who took my kids (all three!) for 24 hours!!!! The girls and I needed a break somewhere in Week 2, and Jana and Tom saved the day!!

The girls love their grandpa and their aunts and uncles. It was so nice to have other people around in the evenings to keep the girls happy. And it was nice to have my dad there to keep Eliza fed. She eats around the clock--i kid you not. And she had Grandpa trained! we figure she ate between 50-70 clementines while we were there...most of those peeled and fed by my dad! I know I've said it before, and i'll say it again--I don't know how I or ANY of us would be handling this without my dad.
I've thought lots about the fact that this cancer could have returned at any time of the year. And I'm so grateful that it came in Spring, when the weather is changing, and being outside is new and fun, and when there are flowers galore for me and my girls to gather and bring to my mom. The flower-picking started out as something for her, but i think it's turned into something for me. I love that the girls feel like they're doing something for their Grandma. I hope that Grace will always retain a small memory of all of this. I don't see how she could forget the dozens of blossoms she's gathered and given to Grandma. I know she's only five, but she's got quite the mind. I still can't stand that they won't get to know her. That part isn't getting any easier to accept.

One of the hardest things about this has been talking to people about it. And I know it's hard for people to talk to me about it, too. No one knows what to say--myself included. When people ask "how's your mom?" i'm torn between the truth--which is that never, in her life, has she ever been worse--and it's only downhill from here, OR the easier answer which is "oh, she's hanging in there, doing as well as can be expected." There've been times when it's seemed like the latter gave the illusion of hope for her recovery, which there isn't. And it doesn't quite seem honest, either. i don't imagine most people want to hear the details, though, and I try not to think about them.

And when people ask how I'm doing, i feel the same kind of battle. I really do appreciate how mindful people are of my family and my mom. And I'm so grateful for the prayers and well-wishes that come our way. I just don't know how to talk about it, i guess. Usually if I'm around people, then I'm in an okay place. But it feels like a tiny bit of a lie to say "I'm okay" when I still soak my pillow so many nights, and i still cry every time i sit down at this computer to write about her. I still picture her there at my girls' baptisms and weddings. And I can't imagine ever taking her off of speed dial on my phone. I secretly hate every person in the world who still has their mom. i listen to old voice messages from her more than i care to admit, and I wish that everything were different and that she could be around for 25 more years. So, no, i'm not totally okay. Not at all. My heart hurts a lot of the time.

But i can't deny the Comfort that I feel, either. I can't imagine going through this if I had any doubts about the eternal nature of Life.

Last night all seven of my mom's children gathered around her bed (three of us through Skype) and sang I Often Go Walking to my mom. It was a very sweet moment. I've sung that song to my mom more times than i can count--for Mother's Day, for her b-day, or just to butter her up when I was short on cash :) The last line "Dear mother, all flowers remind me of you" is more true now than ever. She has always loved flowers. And irises, roses, hyacinths, tulips and tiger lilies all remind me of my mom. But something about the flowers this spring has been different. At least for me. I feel like all flowers that i see--the blossoms and tulips that lie dormant all winter--literally remind me not only of my mom, but they remind me that her passing will be just like a longer winter. This sounds so cheesy, i'm sure, and i don't know any other way to say it than that Spring will forever be for me a visible reminder that her future resurrection is real, and that she will be restored and her life will be renewed.

It was a very sweet and tearful moment singing to my mom for what we know will be her last Mother's Day. All day my mind was filled with that thought, but I just keep thinking how lucky I feel to know that and to not miss a moment of it. I took a mental picture of everything that happened yesterday and have written down feelings and thoughts that I've had. And not many people get to experience their goodbye's like this. I know many people think that it's harder this way. But I don't feel that way. All of these "lasts" are treasures to me, and I'm grateful to have them.

Celebrating

2010-04-25T19:25:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in my parents' dining room. The girls are down for the night, my dad's watching his program on PBS, and my mom is resting peacefully. Today has been a good day for her. By "good" i just mean that she has kept down the 6 bites of ice cream, 1 cup of soda, and 10 bites of flan that she's eaten. We've tried the "bland" diet and it didn't make a difference--so we shifted to the "comfort food" diet, and now at least she's eating things she likes. She's weaker and weaker every day. She's eating so little, and not keeping most of it down--the mysterious and intermittent nausea is, by far, the worst part of all of this. Her pain is minimal--thank heavens for modern medicine!! She is so strong. She keeps trying to make this as easy on us as possible. Being here with her feels more and more like a privilege every day. I love her so much.

Of all the three weeks in the year to be here, these three weeks have been the best. The weather is amazing, the neighborhood kids are all outdoors, and Provo is in full bloom. We're house-bound most of the day, so having the option of heading outside at all times has been crucial to my childrens' happiness. And mine. And having an abundance of blossoms and flowers to bring in to Grandma has just been icing on this beautiful Spring cake. My mom's tulip garden opens up a new color almost everyday. Since she can't get out to her garden, we bring her garden in to her. And it brightens her day. And ours.

I have so many things i need to write and share about this experience, about my mom, and about last weekend with all but one of us in town. And i will. But tonight is for a different post. So I'll just say THANK YOU to all who have emailed, commented, called, and extended service in SO MANY WAYS! I literally feel like i'm completely surrounded by people who love me and my mom and my family. It's amazing, it's overwhelming, and it's more comforting than you can imagine. Thank you. And sorry if I don't email back. I'm not really good at emailing back in the first place...and when the emails start out with "don't feel like you have to email me back" i've just been running with it :)

Tonight my little mind is full of memories of this very night, five years ago. I was about 5-6 hours into what would be a 26 hour labor with Grace. When we drove to the hospital all of Boston was still in it's winter sleep. The only sign of new life I could find was in my big ole' belly. And although she took her sweet time making her way out, when she finally came I felt like the entire world stopped for those few moments--those moments that are more tender and more real than anything I'd ever experienced. I was feeling a new kind of love. It was awesome.

I'm sure it was the epidural speaking, or the sleep deprivation (which can be seen in above photo) from the twenty non-epidural hours previous --but I remember looking at Reid and, unable to find any other way to express my happiness, saying, "I want to do this a million more times!" (And, if it weren't for the recovery, the pre-epidural labor, the pregnancy, the stretch marks, the weight gain or, oh yeah, the child-raising--I really just might!)

Three days later, when we left the hospital (keep in mind that one of those days was spent entirely in labor...and i'm still not sure why i wasn't sent back home...) the entire city of Boston was in full bloom. Spring had landed, the Charles River was lined with blossoming trees and full of sailboats in action. I remember looking at the sailors and wondering how in the world their life was just going on like normal when there, in the back seat of our little car, was God's greatest miracle--a new baby!! "Grace" seemed like the most fitting name for this gift from Above--that we surely didn't merit, but had still been given.

She was perfect. She was beautiful. She was ours. Everything about her made me love Reid that much more. And tomorrow, when she wakes up, she'll be five. FIVE!!!

To say "where did the time go?" not only seems cliche, but also a bit unfitting. I think that something like "there were soooo many days i never thought that this day would come" might be more appropriate. But which one do I want Grace to read twelve years down the road when I decide to tell her about the internet and computers and this blog? i suppose the truth, right?

Well, the truth is that these five years truly have been the most wonderful five years of my life. And much of this is due to my sweet Grace.

Grace is awesome. She is bright. She is caring. She is stubborn. She is pensive. She is creative. She is bossy. She is imaginative. She is argumentative. She is kind. She is competitive. She is a great big sister. She is so many wonderful and challenging things all wrapped up into the best five-year-old bundle in this whole wide world. And I love her about a billion times more today than I did five years ago.

I'd planned to be back in Denver by her b-day, but it didn't work out that way. So we'll be celebrating here. She hasn't even really complained about it, sweet girl. I made her a nightgown that she got to wear to bed tonight. She loves it--she's been in it since 5:00. We had angle food cake on Saturday with her cousins who were in town for the night, she'll get muffins for breakfast, cupcakes with her new friends here, and homemade mac 'n cheese for dinner. I picked up a few things for her at the thrift store--and even a couple gifts at Target (i know, i'm getting crazy!). Hopefully she'll have a good day. She had a big joint party a couple weeks ago that i might post about someday (or you could read about here) that was more than enough birthday-ing for one year. But I'm just feeling a little guilty about dragging her away from her preschool and friends back home for three straight weeks--so i'm probably going a little overboard... :)

Five years ago tonight, I called my mom to tell her that i was in labor. She was devastated that she wasn't able to be there for the birth of my first child. She was still recovering from chemo, and wasn't yet up for traveling. So she called me. Lots. And it was great. In those first days of being a mom, I felt a hugely increased amount of gratitude towards her as a mom, as my mom. I felt the need to tell her about 20 times a day how awesome I thought she was for doing this SEVEN times!! And I've spent the past five years continually telling her how much her sacrifices and service and love have meant to me.

Grace's birth gave me an awareness of and appreciation for my mom that I had not come to on my own. Given my selfish tendencies, I might never have gotten there. So, of all the things that Grace has taught me and given me over the past five years-- tonight, that's the one i'm most thankful for.

Happy 5th Birthday, Grace!!

Life

2010-04-06T12:07:00.000-07:00

My heart is breaking. I haven't wanted to blog about this because it's easier not too. And i have no intentions of writing every thought, feeling, and experience that has occurred in the past several weeks. My heart and hands don't have the energy.

My mom's cancer has returned, in all it's terrible glory, and she is dying. I spent 10 days with her, caring for her, loving her, serving her, sewing by her side, playing piano pieces she taught me, reading her poems, going through photos of her and planning all the things that no one ever wants to plan. And then I came back here, for a week-long reunion with Reid's family. They left yesterday, and for the first time i really had a day to soak in this reality. and i spent the whole day fighting or surrendering to the tears that have been welling up inside of me. In this moment the tears are winning.

My wonderful, amazing, beautiful, brilliant, creative, genuine, loving and talented mom has lost her cancer battle. She was diagnosed with breast cancer 7 years ago, and fought it and won. These years have been God's greatest gift to me. I've gotten to know my mom better in the past 7 years than I had in the 24 years previous. And i've come to fully appreciate all that she is--as a mother, wife, woman and person.

And I will forever be grateful that she beat cancer the first time around. But now it is beating her, quite literally. In the moments that my mom is comfortable, i find myself having a harder time accepting that I will no longer be able to call her when I'm trying to conquer her peanut brittle recipe, that she will not be here for any more Christmases, and that my sweet girls will have little to no memory of their grandma. But in the moments that she is in pain, which are increasing daily, I feel more ready to let her go. And although the tears streaming down my face right now represent the huge part of me that wants to have my mom around for another twenty years, it's no longer what i want for her. I don't want her to suffer another minute. None of us do. She's so strong. She tries to hide her misery, especially from her kids. She did this when I was there a week ago, and she's doing it now for my sisters, too. But we know she's in pain. My sister walked in on her crying--too dehydrated to actually make tears. But as soon as my mom saw her she put on her strong face. She doesn't want this to be any harder on us than it has to be. That's how she lived her life--doing everything she could to make our lives better.

My sweet dad loves my mom more than any man has ever loved a woman. I truly believe that. He respects, adores and admires everything about her, and in every way. They have had a wonderful relationship, raised a wonderful family, and lived a full life together. He is heart-broken. But he is so strong, too. I love my parents for the relationship they had, and what it's shown me about marriage and love, service, compromise, patience and friendship.

All but one of my siblings have had a chance to get to UT and see my mom. My Indiana-bound sister with MS has been able to Skype. There is so much good happening around us, so much that IS falling into place, that it's impossible to ignore God's hand in our lives, His grace and His love.

Every prayer that has been said on our behalf has been felt. I really do know and feel that people are praying for my family. When I'm not sobbing, i feel so much peace. and sometimes even when I am sobbing i feel peace. And that truly is a blessing. The tears are a natural part of this--a part that would happen no matter what. But the peace we feel is a gift. I'm grateful for that gift right now. I'm grateful for my faith--my belief that better things await my mom. I'm grateful for my siblings and all the care that they've provided for my mom. And most of all, i'm grateful for my mom. I will miss her more than I'm prepared to accept. But i'm so glad I have 6 siblings going through this with me, and a wonderful dad who comforts me when I should be the one comforting him.

The next few days and weeks will be hard, and sad--full of tears and sorrow and peace. I don't imagine i'll be blogging any time soon about the upcoming birthday party of my soon-to-be 5 year old, the wonderful 7-day reunion that we just hosted here--with ALL of Reid's siblings and parents, the raised-bed garden that my father-in-law just built me(!!), the painting and crafting and sewing and Easter-ing, shower-throwing, or how wonderful my girls were for 10 whole days in UT. This month has been full of so many wonderful moments that all deserve to be written down, in full detail...and maybe someday they will be. But not today.

Abby grew up over night...

2010-03-04T19:19:00.000-08:00

literally. over night. It all happened faster than i'd planned, but it worked out perfectly.

The day after we got back from CA we were getting her ready for bed and she couldn't find her binki. (i know, right! who lets their 3 year old have a binki?!?! not me. never!! And I certainly would never let my 3 year old run to her crib, grab her binki, and run to her little sister's crib, climb in, and play/read books/hang out just to buy myself enough time to take a shower!!)

And so I told her that she was a big girl and she didn't need it anymore. WHAT WAS I SAYING!?!??! I don't know who possessed my body briefly, but i couldn't take it back!! And I told her that in the morning we would get her some panties and she'd be a big girl!

That night was kind of rough for her. she woke up really weepy a few times. i felt awful. But she made it.

And that next morning (quite serendipitously, i might add) she had her 3 year well-appt with her doctor. Knowing Abby like I do, I thought that hearing the words "you really ARE a big girl" from the Dr. would leave a lasting impression. And boy was I right. The doctor measured her height and weight and confirmed, several times during the visit, that Abby was a big girl now. She was so cute during the whole appointment, and LOVED hearing about how big she was. And she was so brave with her vaccine, too. I really was, in every way, so proud of her!

So, we left the dr.'s office and ran next-door to Target (which is, by the way, the best part of Kaiser Permanente...its being next to a Supertarget) and she got to pick out her big-girl undies. She came home, put them on, and just like that--she was a big girl!!! She's done great with potty-training. She'd been ready for months, as I've mentioned. So it wasn't that hard. She did struggle a bit with the concept that MOM needs to be involved in the process. She was, if possible, too independent the first few days...which led to a few accidents. But, it's been 14 days now without an accident, and she's so good at going all by herself (and then hollering for me to come wipe when she's done).

And she has LOVED, from the moment she got her Tinkerbell undies, to tell people "I'm a big girl now cause i went to the dr.'s office and they told me I'm big big big and I go peepee on the potty!!!!" (most of which is, by the way, unintelligible and OH so cute!! i should really get it on video!!)

She's done great without her binki, too...but the first few days, every once in a while, she'd say "mom, i don't want to be a big girl anymore" and I'd look, and sure enough she'd spotted one of Eliza's binkis (which usually was just Abby's binki that we'd "lost") and was missing her 3-year long relationship with it. can't really blame her.

To top off all of this insta growing-up, she got her very own toddler bed a few days ago. She's only been in a crib this long because I'm lazy and didn't want to search through all of craigslist for the perfect toddler bed! So, when I got an email from a local listserve for a toddler bed just minutes from my house, i jumped on it (the offer, not the bed)!

All three of the girls think this bed is the coolest thing in the world. They played on it for 3 hours straight when i brought it inside. Grace even slept on it the second night...and Abby was happy to sleep in Grace's bunk bed. They've kind of agreed that they'll rotate between the two beds for a while. They're cute. This big move of Abby's has brought with it Eliza's graduation from a pack 'n play to a crib. Big changes all around.

Valentine's Day

2010-03-01T19:40:00.000-08:00

I've never really cared much about Valentine's Day. Reid and I don't usually give gifts, go out or do much to set that day apart. We're actually pretty lame. But Grace and Abby practically made us enjoy it this year. They were so excited that they got to make gifts for their friends, it was truly impossible not to get a little bit into the whole thing this year :)

I ran a few gift ideas by Grace, but when i told her about melting small crayons into a heart shaped tin, she yelled in delight, "does that mean that when they use it to draw on paper it will look like a rainbow???" She was sold on it immediately. And, as with most things, if Grace is on board, Abby is pleased-as-punch to follow.

And, since we didn't have time to do anything for Grace's teacher at Christmastime, we made her this little bouquet of chocolate-dipped strawberries....isn't it cute?? I was obviously pretty pleased with it...since i took the time to bust out the camera :) just don't look closely...there's strawberry juice dripping all over the ribbon

And since the girls got me so excited about the whole holiday, i decided that maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if i got reid a gift....a gift from his daughters...that I wouldn't let him take to his office 'cause i love it so much :) The girls stuck their fisted-hands in red paint and made these little hearts (thanks, Isa for the idea!!)

Disneyland- Days 6 and 7

2010-02-26T22:10:00.000-08:00

I'm sure i'm not the only one wanting to be done with me blogging about our drawn-out Disney trip. If I were a scrapbooker, there's no way I'd have had a 135 page album dedicated to one trip....so I'm not sure why I've done the equivalent on my blog...but this is the last Disney post...I promise.

On Monday we drove back up to Disneyland for one last day of fun. And it DID start out fun. Abby and I went on our favorite little Toon Town roller coaster (the only one she was tall enough for), Grace and Eliza went on Small World--were all happy as could be.

And then, while Reid took Abby back to go on that roller coaster again, I took Grace and Eliza to the bathroom that was just twenty feet away. And the worst experience of the whole trip happened, almost literally in the blink of an eye. That whole experience with the sketchy dr. was a little crazy, but it wasn't upsetting, it didn't ruin the day or cause me to lose sleep. It didn't play back in my mind's eye over and over like this did.

And I don't want to forget the details. I want Eliza to know that I truly believe that her ability to walk is a miracle. So I made Reid be my puppeteer and used our most flexible doll so that you can see what I saw and why it affected me so much. So, just use your imagination, and bear with me here :)

The whole crowd around me gasped. It was a really disturbing sight to see. I picked her right up. I probably shouldn't have, but i wasn't thinking. I was most definitely in shock. People around me could sense my panic and were trying to comfort me and make sure Eliza was okay. One lady called the nurse's station. Another lady just kept telling me to comfort her. A little girl came up to me and was worried about the bump on Eliza's head and her bleeding pinky finger. I don't know what i said, but in my head it was something like "hey, kid, i'm not too worried about a goose egg and a scratch--it's her NECK that has me concerned!"

Finally I set her down on the ground (remember, i was in shock), cause she was so limp in my arms (which is kinda how she is when she's upset) so i really couldn't tell if she could move or not. Once on the ground, she moved her legs and arms enough that I felt reassured that hadn't broken her neck. People just kept telling me that "babies are made out of rubber," which I now know and believe.

Even so, I took her into the nurses station. They checked her out and agreed that she was fine. She got this cute little Minnie Mouse First Aid sticker that is one of the only mementos we've kept from the trip, since it kinda sums up her experience--Minnie and medics.

She was pretty exhausted to start with, so the rest of the day she kinda looked like this:

you can see the bruise on her forehead and the scratch on her cheek

And when she was in the stroller she buried her face like this (i'm guessing the light was bugging her?):

I wish I could have just let this go and enjoyed the rest of the day, but I couldn't. I cried, on and off, for the rest of our day at Disneyland. But I just kept playing it over and over, and literally thanking God that she was okay. And then crying some more.

So, after a few more ride, one last visit with the princesses, and the obligatory photo by the flowers, we took off.

Reid had the brilliant idea of eating at In 'n Out Burger. I'm not a fast-food person, by any means, but even I can appreciate the experience that this place is--especially when in So. Cal. (Apparently they just built a couple locations in UT, but it's just not the same, right? unless you really do just love their food?)

So, we took our burgers, fries and shakes and went to watch the sunset at this beautiful little beach. This was exactly what I needed--to meditate a bit, relax, and be with the people who mean the most to me. The girls loved playing "chicken" with the waves. I loved watching them feel the sand on their feet. And we all watched the sun fall below the horizon--it was beautiful.

We packed up the next morning, said goodbye to our dears friends, and made one last little stop in Rancho Cucamonga, to see a mentor and good friend of mine, Lexine Hadfield. She and her husband were assigned to oversee all the missionaries in the area of Chile that I was in--10 years ago!! I was so homesick during my time there, way more so than I'd ever anticipated. But whenever Lexine would see me she'd give me a HUGE hug that would just take away all the sadness I was feeling. She is such a warm and loving person.

Her husband unexpectedly passed away almost two years ago. In fact, we flew down there to see her soon after, but she was called away last minute. So, I was really, really glad that it worked out to see her this time. We visited her during her lunch break, and sure enough, as soon as she saw me, she gave me the huge bear-hug that I remember so well. And she was so sweet with the girls. It took no time for them to warm up to her. As she showed us her little shop, she had Grace in one hand, and Abby in the other, and I had this moment where I realized that even they could feel how much love this woman has in her. Through tears I told her this, and we hugged and cried.

I love you, hermana!!

We rushed from her place to the airport, and there, as we were about to board the plane, my sweet Abby decided to empty her bowels into her diaper. I rushed her to the changing table in the bathroom, and, while changing her diaper, was thinking "my word, child, you are too old for this." Just then, another mom with a 3 year old daughter brought her in to change her diaper and said, out loud, "honey, you are too old for this."

I'd been putting potty-training off for months, but I knew, in that moment, that with Disneyland behind us, it was time for our next family adventure...which will just have to wait for another post :)

And, may i just say that in spite of the crazy moments of this trip, that this was one of my favorite vacations ever.

Disneyland-Day 4 and 5

2010-02-23T22:32:00.000-08:00

As much as I hate to admit it, my favorite part about Disneyland was probably not Disneyland. I think that if I'd been there as a kid it might have more of that nostalgic tinge that others feel. But, for me, it was only as awesome as my kids thought it was. Which happened to be pretty awesome. But I can't really imagine myself ever going there without kids. And as far as amusement parks go, it's just so-so. But California Adventure, on the other hand, was ahhhhhhhhhhhh-some. And that is where we spent 100% of Day 4. There was rain in the forecast, so we were all geared up for it--but it was dry the whole day!! (until about 4:30, it rained for 8 minutes)

Highlights of the day include Monsters, Inc (4x, the girls loved it, loved it, loved it), all the rides at Bug's Life (including the little 3D show--awesome!), the Ferris wheel, Soarin' California, and my personal favorite--the Screamer. There is nothing in the world quite like going from zero to 60 in less than one second (i'm making up those numbers, but they can't be far off!)--i wish i'd had the stomach to go on that ride over and over--it's my favorite roller coaster ever!

We also saw the Aladdin show. The girls loved it. And the guy who played "Genie" was hilarious. I'm really glad people recommended this show--we probably wouldn't have gone otherwise

And, lucky for the little ladies, Cinderella was just hanging around for pictures right outside.

My kids LOVED having little playmates to be with the whole time. Grace and Kaitlyn hit it off right from the start. I'm guessing that they heard "did you guys know that when you were just little you used to play together all the time?" about a million times.

It was such fun day. It was so nice to be dry. And I just kept being amazed at how NOT tired we were. The girls walked almost the whole day, every day. I'd given them each three little "passes" to ride in the stroller because i was sure they were going to fight over it...but they actually didn't! They didn't even use all their passes :) But by 5pm that day the kids were hungry again, our snack lunches/apples/snacks were gone...so we headed to the Mission Tortilla Factory that's right there by Bug's Life. They give out the most delicious, fresh corn tortillas--about a billion times better than the ones you get in the store! And then we walked over to the Boudin Sourdough factory where the lady saw our famished children and gave them two MickyMouse sourdough loaves. Who knew there was free food to be had there?? leave it to me to find it...

And although Eliza didn't really care much about what we were doing most of the time, she did get REALLY excited every time we passed by the Ferris Wheel (in the background of this picture). She's also, apparently, obsessed with Mickey Mouse.

That evening my brother, Kevin, came over for a visit. He lives in L.A. now. Reid and I were spoiled for 3 years having him live near us in Boston. Grace knew him really well the first 14 months of her life. It was sad for me when, by her 2nd birthday, she'd already forgotten him. But she's finally to the point again where she completely knows him and took no time warming up to him. Both of the big girls were soooo excited to see him, it was very sweet. I think they just thought it was the awesomest thing to see an uncle right there at their hotel!

Our friends came over again (this night included the Gardners) and we all stayed up way too late, laughing, telling stories, having push-up contests and generally enjoying our time together. Our time with them went by too fast. These are people that I wish lived closer to us. (lucky for us, the Gardners actually go!!) I tried to convince them of all the reasons why Denver is the best place to live in all of the U.S. of A. Only time shall tell how good of a sales woman I am!!

Day 5 was the day we checked out of our hotel, picked up our rental car, attempted to go to church, and then drove down to San Diego to spend 2 nights with Anne and Rob-- good friends from our first year in Boston. Anne and Rob are two people that we could talk to for 2 weeks straight and never run out of good conversation. They've got something to say about every topic. And they've got stories. And it was so good to spend time with them! Back in November, when we bought our plane tickets, we debated whether or not we should come home on Sunday or stay through Tues. I'm soooooooooo so so glad we stayed longer--we needed some good game-playin', story-tellin', Rob and Anne time!!

Of course, we have no pictures with them. In fact, we were talking about photos with them, and Anne confessed that she has taken very few pictures of her kids in the past 2 years. She told us that her dad, who used to take tons of pictures of all his kids, decided one day he was done. He said "i'm tired of looking at my children through a lens."

Can I just say "amen" to that? I bet that the best moments of this vacation were not captured on film....because i was busy enjoying the moment...but now i can't remember the moment...because it wasn't captured on film. But there's still something to be said for enjoying the moment, even if it's forgotten years down the road, right?

Thank you, Anne and Rob, for putting up with us for 2 days!!

Disneyland-Day 3

2010-02-22T21:23:00.000-08:00

Day 3 it rained. All. Day. Long. It wasn't too bad at first, since we started out dry. In fact, it was awesome cause there were no lines and no people. I don't really mind crowds at zoos and museums...but i have a thing with waiting in line.... So, it worked out really well that we went in February. (my word, it sounds like Ariel wasn't the only princess my girls were with!!)

We started out the day in Tomorrowland, since the Alexanders had joined us and it's a great place for their boys. After going on the Snow White ride and the Toon Town roller coaster, etc, i'd pretty much just figured that all rides at Disneyland were "experiences" rather than rides. So i thought nothing of it when everyone suggested we go on Space Mountain.

Reid took Abby, I took Grace. Since Abby is 39" tall (btw, 40 inches is the cut off for lots of rides...just an FYI when planning your next Disney trip...i'd have packed a different pair of shoes for her had i known:) Reid had to exit with her. So it was just me and Grace.

Have I mentioned that Grace hated the Toon Town roller coaster? Have I mentioned that she isn't exactly, um, how do you say....a risk-taker? yeah, i obviously had no idea what we were in for, or i never would have taken her. She hated every single second of the ride. She just kept saying that she wanted off and that she wished she was with Abby. If there was ever any chance of getting her to go on ANY other roller coaster-esque rides at Disneyland, it was ruined right then. I felt awful. She didn't trust us the rest of the day. To this day, she wants to write a letter to "the man that built that ride and tell him that he shouldn't have built it."

Sooooooo, we stuck with pretty basic rides the rest of the day---Nemo's submarine, the race cars, Pirates of the Caribbean (which actually freaked Grace and Abby out, too...), the Haunted House (which the girls actually loved!), Swiss Family Robinson/Tarzan, and others i forgot...oh, and the lamest show in the world--The Tiki Room. My guess is that on sunny days that show is all but unattended. But on this wet day, it was the most popular show ever. Lame puppet birds singing weird songs and dancing on their perches?? what is the story behind this?? it was bizarre. But it was warm and dry and a perfect resting place for our wet selves.

I went on Splash Mountain with the two other guys in our group. I guess i figured the difference between wet and soaking wet wouldn't be that great--true for my clothes, not for my shoes. My feet hated me after that. But i couldn't complain--Ryan, who was in the front, was literally soaked through. The poor guy was wringing out his coat when he got off.

Eliza spent most of the day in the stroller. She was just starting to feel better, which worked out well, since i didn't love the idea of her getting out and getting wet. (BTW--Our stroller's rain cover was amazing, and I'm just puttin' it out there right now for anyone in the Denver area--if you EVER need a double stroller and THINK you might face rain ANYWHERE, please feel free to borrow ours. It was the only dry thing in the whole park!)

The girls wanted to see the Princesses again. Reid and I were sure they'd be totally disappointed that it was the exact same three they'd seen the day before. But honestly? they couldn't have cared less. The girls had a great time.

We headed home around 5, ordered pizza, dried off and put the girls to bed by 7 and had our friends over for some serious catching up.

There are few things in the world I enjoy as much as visiting with people I know and love.